Pastor Paul Brown
July 25, 2021 - W2130

"When You Can't Forgive"

What Do You Do...

Pastor Paul Brown

July 24 & 25, 2021

Welcome, New Hope Oahu--those online and in person! It's such a pleasure to have you worshipping with us today! The topic of my message is, "When You Can't Forgive," continuing the series "What Do You Do..." Let me encourage you that the Healer is in the house! 

One of my favorite quotes is, "A heart of praise rights a wrong perspective." This quote recognizes that the truth of God will speak to us, but our job is to receive the truth and allow it to touch our lives! 

There are wounded people even in Paradise who have felt the hurt of a stinging word, the shame of betrayal, or the hardship of manipulation.  Some of us may have a wound from a family member--sometimes the most difficult people to forgive are family members! You are never betrayed by an enemy--you can only be betrayed by a friend! And when you hear their name mentioned, your heart starts to boil! 

Many have wounds that have not yet been healed. You can tell when a wound is not healed when there is no scar, and when you touch it, you feel the pain! A wound must be addressed because if it's not treated, it will get infected and infect everything around it! God is faithful and good: He created us, and He knows how to live life to the fullest!

WHAT IS THE REMEDY FOR UNFORGIVENESS? 

We must forgive--in fact, it's a command! 

"...forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 NIV 

We may not trust the person who hurt us, but we can trust Jesus Christ who died on the cross and forgave people even before they asked for forgiveness! Jesus died on the cross for reconciliation between us and God, and now we get to choose to be part of the healing process! If the genesis of healing happened with Jesus; the genesis of healing in our family and our souls will be when we forgive. 

Unforgiveness is like a cavity...I remember I ignored a cavity and it got worse and worse and worse! I finally went to the dentist, and he said, "You haven't been in for 8 years! Why didn't you come to me sooner?" Then he pushed down on a spot that I knew would hurt! Did he do that to hurt me? No, he was trying to bring healing! Sometimes, God will put His finger on where it hurts; and all you need to do is to surrender and let Him do the work! Our God can do the impossible!

One thing the dentist said that kept coming to me over and over is, "Why didn't you come to me sooner?" There's a danger in holding on to unforgiveness. Pastor Wayne says, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die!" You're so bitter! Hurt people, hurt people; also, healed people, heal people. God has called us to healing. 

When we don't forgive the people who hurt us, the trauma from that experience will become a future drama! Have you brought an old trauma into a new relationship? You may think that the problem is the relationship but, really, it's the trauma! Ask the Lord to heal you from the trauma, that you might be whole and walk in the healing that God has called you.

HEALING THROUGH RECONCILIATION

2 Corinthians 5:17-20 NIV says: "¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God." 

God wants to bring healing to you, but He also wants to bring healing through reconciliation! God has called us (broken people) to reconcile all of humanity back to God! It starts with me, and it stops with me! I must choose to forgive and allow my wounds to become scars and be healed. The only way a wound can become a scar is through healing. If I keep thinking about the wrong done to me, I become a trend of bitterness; but God said, "No, I want you to become a trend of reconciliation and bring healing to others."   

After the resurrection, Jesus came to His disciples and showed them His scars to reflect His goodness and show them that while we were yet sinners, He died for us! He wanted to give us an example. 

THREE STEPS TO GET YOU TO THE PLACE OF FORGIVENESS:  

1. Those Who Recognize They Have Been Forgiven Much Will Love Much 

Luke 7:47 NASB says: "For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but the one who is forgiven little, loves little.”

The Pharisees thought they were fine and didn't need grace and forgiveness, but they were in danger of pride and a spirit of criticism! Those that knew they were sinners received forgiveness and healing and stopped judging!

Mark 2:17 NIV says: "...Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

2. When We Recognize That We Are Loved Much, We're Able to Forgive Much 

Ephesians 2:8-9 MEV says: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, so that no one should boast." 

When we are saved by grace (through the death of Jesus on the cross), we are given authority to become reconcilers of man to God and man to each other. It's a work that God has called us to do. Grace goes beyond justice--it goes to the grace of God. We don't deserve grace; it's a gift of God! 

Justice is when you do something wrong and should get punished, but Mercy says, "I won't punish you." Grace says, "I forgive you and giving you something you have not seen nor heard or imagined!" Empathy means to wear the weight of that person's wounds--knowing exactly the pain a person is going through! God knows exactly the pain you're going through. Forgiveness is unmerited favor--without merit! A great author said, "Justice is getting what you deserve; mercy is not getting what you deserve; grace is getting what you absolutely don't deserve." Forgiveness gives us the authority to release the hurt and send it away!

3. Begin the Process of Forgiveness by Praying for Your Enemy 

Trust God's plan even if it doesn't look like yours. Look to the grace of God and learn to forgive yourself. God will ask us to do something difficult, but He will help us along the way, such as, praying for your enemies!

Matthew 5:43-45 NIV says: "⁴³ You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

Children from heaven are a blessing; children from the enemy are a curse! Anything that we are not willing to forgive, the devil will use to control us, such as, anger issues which is connected to a past trauma! 

Luke 23:34 NIV says: "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'” 

Your true enemy is not the person who hurt you--it's the one who wants to control you. When you hold on to unforgiveness, you are being pulled and controlled by the enemy. True freedom happens when you surrender that wound and allow God to be in control of your situation--He is really in control! Learn to forgive yourself! Say, "I'm going to believe the promises of God and wait on Him, and He will renew my strength!"

When we forgive, God gives us the power to release the hurt in our lives, and we have the authority to become reconcilers of man to God and man to each other. Keep praying for your enemy and the wound will heal and not get infected! 

After Peter told Jesus he loves Him, he denies Jesus three times--and Jesus makes him breakfast! That's forgiveness! We know that we have been forgiven by the grace of God when we can show love to those who don't deserve it!  We must surrender to God and say, "I trust you, Lord Jesus, even if I don't understand!" 

STUDY QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:

1.      What is the remedy for unforgiveness?
2.      What happens when we don't forgive the person who caused the trauma?
3.      When we recognize that we have been loved much, what will it cause us to do?
4.      Keep praying for your enemy and the wound will __________________________.
5.      How do we begin the process of forgiveness?