Pastor Richard Waialeale
December 8, 2019 - W1949

Make Room For Friendships

Making Room

Pastor Richard Waialeale

December 7 & 8, 2019

Aloha, New Hope!  The primary scriptures for today’s message are taken from the book of Ecclesiastes, but we’ll also use 1 Samuel as our guide and discover what real friendship is like.  The Bible gives us three principles or guidelines to help us understand how valuable friendships can be in our lives:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV says: “⁹ Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: ¹⁰ If either of them falls down one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. ¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? ¹² Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

When we read these words from Solomon, we often think in terms of marriage; but Solomon wants us to understand that it’s not just in marriage but in friendships that, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor." This could also be translated good return as in an investment—dividends paid on an investment.

The scripture starts off with two cords but ends with three cords! How did two become three? The two cords tied together could be two people—two friends, or a husband and a wife. And the stress and strain that come in life may cause the marriage or friendship to come apart; but the third cord in the middle intertwines the three cords together, and they will never tear apart—that cord is Jesus Christ!  When you intertwine your friendship or marriage with Jesus, it will never fall apart—so the best friend you will ever make is the one who loves Jesus more than you!  

Let me explain: We tend to think of a best friend as someone who is loyal to us; but the better friend is the one whose friendship reflects the love of God.  It’s better to have a friend who loves us through God than a friend that just loves us for who we are. 

There is a story of a great spiritual writer Henri Nouwen who was going to a monastery for a silent retreat. But because of bad weather, Henri arrived very late, well after bedtime.  One of the monks led him to the kitchen, removed his raincoat, helped him dry off, gave him a cup of tea, took care of Henri, and talked with him late into the night. Henri knew that the monk should be observing a vow of silence, so he asked him, “Why are you willing to sit and talk with me?”  The monk said, “Of all the duties of the Christian faith and the rules of my order, none is higher than a friend who provides hospitality, a friend.”

3 John 8 NIV says: “We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth.”

The truth is that a true friend will do whatever it takes to take care of another friend; showing hospitality by befriending people is just one of the keys to spiritual growth.

1. A Friend Provides Emotional And Physical Warmth 

The relationship between Jonathan and David from 1 Samuel in the Old Testament is about love and friendship. These two men became acquainted with each other when David defeated Goliath and was brought to King Saul; Jonathan is King Saul's son, the next heir to the throne:

1 Samuel 17:57-18:3 NASB says: “⁵⁷ So when David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul with the Philistine’s head in his hand. ⁵⁸ Saul said to him, “Whose son are you, young man?” And David answered, “I am the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite.”^18:1 Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. ² Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father’s house. ³ Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.”

True friendship is a knitting of souls together in love and affection.  We all want the warm affection of others, people we call friends; friends who will love us for what and who we are and what you can become.  These relationships are priceless.

A covenant is an unspoken, unwritten agreement of love and loyalty.  A true friend will never betray your trust.  Nothing destroys friendship faster than a betrayal of trust. Betrayal is painful because the person betraying knows your heart and character—yet, they turn from that.  Betrayal is rejection; rejection opens a wound.  Betrayal pours salt on the wound.  It’s more than loneliness, loneliness leaves you out in the cold; betrayal shuts the door.  It’s more than mockery, mockery plunges the knife; betrayal twists it in.  It is more than insult, insult attacks your pride, but betrayal breaks your heart!

It's shameful to speak badly of your friend behind their backs.  Proverbs 17:9 NASB says: “He who conceals a transgression seeks love. But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”

Pastor Jon spoke last week about Mary visiting her cousin Elizabeth.  When Elizabeth hears Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. When your friend comes to visit you, does your heart leap with joy and excitement?  I would get up and hug that person. True friends are not embarrassed to express their godly affection in word and gesture. 

1 Samuel 20:41 says: “After a period of separation, Jonathan and David kissed each other.”  Back then, it was customary that they would kiss each other; today at New Hope, we hug each other and are known as the “hugging church.” If you have a friend, don’t let time pass without regularly expressing how special they are to you.  Hug them.  

2. A Real Friend Will Stand Up To Protect You 

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NASB says: “And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” 

Jonathan demonstrated this principle of friendship to David in 1 Samuel:  King Saul became envious of David’s rising popularity and started plotting to kill David; Jonathan knew David did nothing wrong to set off his father’s psychotic behavior, so he sought to reconcile his father to David. 

1 Samuel 19:4-7 NASB says: “⁴ Then Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Do not let the king sin against his servant David, since he has not sinned against you, and since his deeds have been very beneficial to you. ⁵ For he took his life in his hand and struck the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel; you saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by putting David to death without a cause?” ⁶ Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan, and Saul vowed, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be put to death.” ⁷ Then Jonathan called David, and Jonathan told him all these words. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as formerly.” 

As time goes on, Saul’s psychotic behavior returns.  1 Samuel 20:30-34 NASB says: “³⁰ Then Saul’s anger burned against Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman! Do I not know that you are choosing the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? ³¹ For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Therefore now, send and bring him to me, for he must surely die.”³² But Jonathan answered Saul his father and said to him, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” ³³ Then Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him down; so Jonathan knew that his father had decided to put David to death.³⁴ Then Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger…for he was grieved over David because his father had dishonored him.” Friends never stab friends in the back.  They guard your back.  They will fight to protect your reputation.

In the 1940s and 50s, Jackie Robinson was the first Black American to play major league baseball.  He was taunted and baited at every stadium he played in. One game was played in Ebbet’s Field, their home stadium in Brooklyn. Jackie caused an error and the place went crazy booing and heckling him, and he froze over second base.  His teammate Pee Wee Reese stepped over to Jackie, put his arm around him, and they both stood facing the crowd.  Slowly the noise went down.  Jackie Robinson would later say that the moment Pee Wee Reese put his arm around him and stood with him saved his career.

The Bible tells us that Jesus was a friend to tax collectors and sinners; and the religious leaders accused him of wrongdoing. What Jesus did for sinners is what Pee Wee Reese did for Jackie Robinson.  Jesus was a friend to sinners, and it changed their lives; and once they realized that Jesus was for them and not against them, they were willing to listen to His counsel and teaching.

Proverbs 27:17 NASB says: “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” This scripture is saying that if you get two blades together and start rubbing them (sliding against each other), one blade sharpens the other. Friends challenge each other, motivating them to be all that God made them to be—they sharpen each other!  They lovingly, but honestly, challenge each other to face their faults and weaknesses, even though, sometimes, it could be painful. A true test of a friend is how they affect your walk in Christ.

3.  A Real Friend Helps You When You’re Down 

Ecclesiastes 4:10 NLT says: “If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

Over the years, a number of New Hope Oahu pastors and people in the congregation have hit rock bottom in the church; and Pastor Wayne brought many of them back by reconciliation, redemption, and restoration.  What Pastor Wayne did are amazing lessons for our staff.

Proverbs 17:17 NASB says: “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” When David was feeling down and anxious, Jonathan showed true friendship. 

1 Samuel 23:15-18 NASB says: “¹⁵ Now David became aware that Saul had come out to seek his life while David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. ¹⁶ And Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David at Horesh, and encouraged him in God. ¹⁷ Thus he said to him, “Do not be afraid, because the hand of Saul my father will not find you, and you will be king over Israel and I will be next to you; and Saul my father knows that also.” ¹⁸ So the two of them made a covenant before the Lord; and David stayed at Horesh while Jonathan went to his house.” 

Jonathan could not always rescue David, but he encouraged him to trust in God’s protection, to seek the Lord’s way and purpose for his life.  Jonathan’s gift to David was to point him to God’s infallible promises and wonderful providence.

Luke 6:31 NASB says: “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. 

Whenever we minister personally to a friend going through tough times, the best thing we can do is to point him to Jesus.  God places people in front of you that only you can reach.  

Psalm 34:8 NASB says: “O taste and see that the Lord is good…” Robert Woodruff was president of Coca Cola from 1923 to 1955, and his vision was, “In my lifetime, I want everyone to have a taste of Coke.”

It should be our ultimate desire in life for everyone to know and taste Christ.  Make that your goal in life as a follower of Christ.

Study Questions

1.   Name times in your life when someone befriended you and how it made you feel.
2.   Tell about a friend who has stood by you in good times and bad.
3.   Describe a time when you stood up for someone.
4.   What is a challenge for you at this time?