Pastor Jon and Cyndi Burgess
May 8, 2016 - W1619

CYNDI BURGESS: Current culture encourages the opposite of what the Kingdom of God says. Sometimes our lives as families are a little upside down, but God is doing something.  Culture says, “Accumulate.”  Kingdom of God says, “Give away.”  Culture says, “Keep what is yours.”  Kingdom of God says, “Give generously.”  If you are exhausted and not getting enough sleep, let me assure you that God is doing something on our behalf.  I invite you to see what God is doing in our homes.  “Psalm 127:1-5 NIV, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.  In vain you rise up early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat for He grants sleep to those he loves.  Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”

Firstly, The Word of God promises that when we allow God to build our houses (families), it is an investment of time and effort—not instantaneous. Sometimes raising the next generation is like hitting a wall.  We keep saying the same thing over and over and nothing seems to get through, but it’s not a waste of time 

Secondly, God promises that even when you fail, it doesn’t make you a failure. “They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies…” We become humble when we invite God into our situation and we apologize to our children, saying, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that.  I shouldn’t have said that.  Will you forgive me?”  There is power is asking for forgiveness. You are not a failure. 

Thirdly, it is not too late. The child that you are fighting with now one day will be fighting for you.  That one that you are contending and locking horns with because their personalities might be similar to yours, one day will be fighting alongside with you. 

PASTOR JON: The way God builds our house will not look like the way we would build it. There is a battle raging for the soul of our families—husband, wife, and children.  This battle will be on the political, local, spiritual levels and the analogy of God building David’s army works amazingly well in illustrating this as we see how He is building our families. God wants to encourage you in what you are doing now.

1. Moving From Minus To Mighty Takes Time. It takes time for our children to move from minus to mighty. It won’t be done overnight. You don’t plant a seed and expect to have a tree the next day! It takes time. Getting God’s perspective will help us see things as He does. How did God build David’s army? I Samuel 22:2 NIV, “As those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him and he became their commander. About four hundred men were with him.” These men were distressed, in debt and had no money. They grumbled, complained, and were frustrated. David probably didn’t see the potential in these men the way God did. God wanted to move them from Minus to Mighty and they became David’s mighty men, second only to David. These men could take down entire armies with their skills and dedication in fighting for God and David. They didn’t start out mighty; they started out as a minus. Here at New Hope, we have a saying, “Everyone is a perfect 10 somewhere,” but I think we need another saying along with that, “Everyone is a minus 10 somewhere else.” All parents know that every child is born into sin because before too long the child will say, “Mine!” grabbing, controlling, and asking for more. We’re born into sin—a negative 10. It takes someone that can see the potential in a person as God saw in David’s army. God is looking at your family right now, but all you can see are the Three Ds: discontented, in debt, and disgruntled. God is saying, “I want you to see your family in 3D with special lenses, fully formed.” But our hearts are filled with other things and there is no room to see them as God does.

Make Room In Your Heart; Unpack That Box.  Our hearts are filled with other things and we don’t see as God sees.  2 Corinthians 7:2-4 NIV, “Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, and we have exploited no one.  (They were harboring offenses against Paul and would not receive any words coming from him.  Anybody feel like that?  Paul was saying even though you are making these accusations against me, I am making room in my heart for you and see you as God sees you.)  I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you.  I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles, my joy knows no bounds.”  Is there little or no joy in your relationship with your children or spouse?  It may be that there is no room in your heart and it’s time to unpack that box.

CYNDI:  Sometimes we need to unpack our time because our schedules are too full. We work, have commitments, and kids are into sports.  Our lives are full and we lose perspective with our families.  We don’t leave ourselves margin to connect and everything becomes a checklist.  You feel it’s too late because your children are grown and you missed many opportunities.  If there is a broken relationship, it’s not too late to make an effort to reconnect by humbling yourself and apologizing.  Don’t make any more excuses no matter how difficult it is. Its not too late and it’s worth it!

PASTOR JON: Sometimes our hearts are filled with photo albums of memories of resentment, frustration, and pain. These albums take up room in our hearts and all we see are limitations, not possibilities, and we can’t see past those experiences.

CYNDI:  Broken relationships and losses may have caused a lot of sorrows and grief and made your heart cold, and Mother’s Day is not a happy time for you.  God wants you to unpack that from your heart so He can fill that space.

PASTOR JON:  Because we are offended, we fight with each other.  We say things, such as, “How dare you say that to me!” in an adversarial tone.  Our boxes are full of offenses.  We fight for our rights.  This takes up so much room in our hearts that we can’t see anything else. We need to see as God sees.

CYNDI:  Sometimes our boxes are filled with bad habits.  We get stuck in a rut and frustration builds up.  When your children were little and they did something wrong, we thought it was cute, but when they got older and did the same thing, it’s not cute anymore.  Habits that were once tolerated become berating and frustrating!

PASTOR JON:  We have a choice everyday to either pack another box or unpack this one.  If you are looking at anyone with frustration or are just resigned to the fact that they will never change, don’t wait for them to change, look to your own heart.  You can’t do anything with their hearts, it’s between them and God, so rather than waiting for them to change, you should start the change.  Make a decision.  Do what you are responsible for and you unpack.  God was able to do something in all of David’s discontented and distressed men and He made them all Mighty from a Minus.

CYNDI:  Alone time is very important, but we were not created to do life alone.  We are created for community—life, connected, standing arm in arm.  We must stand our grounds for our families. 

1. Stand Your Ground, But Don’t Stand Alone. No matter how mighty the men in David’s army felt, they were not to stand alone. We can choose our battles, but the battles for our families have already been chosen for us and we cannot retreat! I Chronicles 11:12-14, “Next to him was Eleazar son of Dodai the Ahohite, one of the three might warriors. He was with David at Pas Dammim when the Philistines gathered there for battle. At a place where there was a field full of barley, the troops fled from the Philistines. But they took their stand in the middle of the field. They defended it and struck the Philistines down, and the Lord brought about a great victory.” It was wartime but everyone fled except Eleazar, Dodai, and another that fought the entire Philistine army. Parents sometimes feel they are fighting the battle alone wondering, “Where is my backup?” When you feel that you are standing alone, you are not! It may seem impossible but with God’s help all things are possible. Read the parallel passage in II Samuel 23. The story actually continues that Eleazar was spent and his sword was frozen to his hand and one of the mighty men Shammah came to his rescue and fought off the Philistines and they got victory that day through the dependency of the men working together. One could not do it alone even as mighty as they were.

Who is your Shammah when life gets hard? Who is it that you can reach out to?

PASTOR JON:  You usually don’t see a crisis coming so how do you make sure that someone is standing with you in battle?  Don’t wait for the battle to find out who is standing with you.  It’s usually in the time of crisis that you realize who are your true friends.  2 Timothy 2:1-3, “You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.  (We stop there but look what Paul is saying.) Join with me in suffering like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Paul is reminding them to join him in suffering like a good soldier of Christ Jesus because life is filled with battle and you cannot win them alone.  Have a group of people on your side when the going gets rough.  This could be your small group who will stand with you in prayer; they will not leave you!

Bring In The Big Guns Because They Are Worth Fighting For. There’s not a single person in your life not worth fighting for. We can’t do it alone.  No matter where we are in life, gaining wisdom from those who have gone before is important.  Also, you too may be able to share some wisdom that you have gained along the way with someone younger who will say “I needed that!”

PASTOR JON: When my son Elijah turned 13 (age of accountability, becomes a man), I had a “Man Up” party. (I will do the same for each of my other sons when they turn 13.)  I surrounded Elijah with multiple generations of men that would speak into his life.  I asked them to share three things:  (1) What do you see in Elijah that shows he is a man of God?  (2) Define in your own words what it means to be a man of God.  (3) Finally, share what you wished someone would have told you when you were 13.  I encourage each of you to find men to speak into your son’s life.  As much as I love my son, I would be the first to admit that I don’t have everything he needs, and I need to be intentional in finding and inviting men from other generations to speak into his life.

As strong as Eleazar was, he needed Shammah. We need others to speak into our lives.  I love the idea of Generations connecting together.  Come this Wednesday to Midweek for Awakening Night.  Our OG (One Generation) ministries will be leading in prayer, worship, and praise.  All the generations are coming together to connect as one, and you will see a new joy rising up because you will see things from a fresh perspective.

1. Finding Joy In The Journey Takes A Forward Focus. Many times we make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. When we have a forward focus, God can build something that will last. David’s men followed him for about 13 years from the time David was anointed king until he was sitting on the throne as king over Israel. The men followed a leader who had a forward focus. I Chronicles 12:38, 40, “All these were fighting men who volunteered to serve in the ranks. They came to Hebron fully determined to make David king over all Israel. All the rest of the Israelites were also of one mind to make David king…Also, their neighbors from as far away as Issachar, Zebulun, and Naphtali came bringing food on donkeys, camels, mules, and oxen. There were plentiful supplies of flour, fig cakes, raisin cakes, wine, olive oil, cattle and sheep, for there was joy in Israel.”

Parents please don’t be passive in your parenting. Your children need leadership!  No one else will be a better parent than you.  You must give your children something to look forward to.  Your children will have loyalty towards you at the core of your discipline because you showed them you cared.  You may be their enemy in the moment, but you are their leader towards their future.

Has it been some time since you had joy in your home or with relationships? It may be that you have missed out on face time—time around the table, eating, drinking, and talking stories.  In the busyness of life, maybe it was pushed back as priority.  The reason David’s men became mighty may be that they took time to eat together—they had face time.

Make Time For Face Time. Make It Simple And Intentional.

CYNDI:  My word for this year is to be “intentional” in all that I do.  Most people at the end of their lives wish they had spent more time with their families.  They say, “I realize career was important but I just wish I had found more time with my family.”  Time is scarce.  What if we spend just four short minutes a day for face time? The house that God builds makes time. If you’re wondering what to get your mother for Mother’s Day, give her four minutes!

STUDY QUESTIONS:

1. What does moving from Minus to Mighty mean?

2. What type of men did God send to help David?

3. List the things in your heart that needs to be unpacked.

4. Explain what Cyndi Burgess meant by “Stand your ground but don’t stand alone.”