Pastor Wayne Cordeiro
May 3, 2015 - W1518

Let’s talk today about the people who surround us—our friends and unfriends.

With today’s craze on social media, we have added many new words in our dictionary and one is “unfriend.”  Have you ever unfriended someone or unfollowed someone on Instagram or unsubscribed to something people were sending you, and did a thumb up or down on an artist?  If you did any of those, you are the hero of today’s message because we want to talk about friends and unfriends.  If you think about it, we sometimes friend those we should have unfriended and we unfriend those maybe that we should have friended.

Proverbs 13:20, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companions of fools will be destroyed.”  If you spend your time with people who have integrity and a positive attitude, who inspire, encourage, and challenge you to be all that God wants you to be, sooner or later, those characteristics will become parts of you.  However, if you spend your time with grumblers, gossipers, people who think life is a mediocre game, unhappy, hold grudges, don’t easily forgive, and compromisers then it won’t be long (through absorption) you will become the same.  The characteristics of those with whom you associate, whether good or bad, will eventually become parts of you. 

If you want to know what you will be like in a few years, look at your friends now.  That’s a scary thought!  You might consider pruning. 

WHY PEOPLE LIVE BELOW THEIR POTENTIAL

At New Hope we have a great Prison Ministry and they minister to federal prisons in Halawa and Arizona.   Sometimes I go with them and in my dialogue with the inmates, I ask, “You seem like a really good guy.  What caused you to end up here?”  More often than not, they’ll say, “I started hanging around with the wrong people.”  

In Mark 2 Jesus is teaching to a packed house.  Four men bring a paralytic friend to Jesus but they can’t get in because of the crowd so they strap him in a gurney, carry him up the roof, dig a hole in the roof, and let him down in front of Jesus.  Here’s something interesting in verse 5, “Jesus saw their faith (not the paralytic’s, but theirs).  He said to the paralytic, ‘My son, your sins are forgiven’” and you are healed.   Jesus did this because He saw the faith of those four faces looking down through the hole. 

Being selective about the friends you choose is vital because God may have appointed certain people to be a part of your life to alter your future.  If you don’t recognize who they are, you will hang around with the wrong crowd, causing you to live beneath your potential.  If you refuse to separate from the wrong crowd, you will never find the friends God has appointed for you to connect with. 

Sometimes, we friend people that we should unfriend, and unfriend people we should friend.  Young people, your parents can be your best friends even though they may challenge you and you don’t like it and want to sort of unfriend them.  Be careful!  When I look at the four friends of the paralytic, I say, “Lord, we all need friends like that who will do whatever is necessary to get us back to Jesus.”  There will be times when you are unable to get back to Jesus on your own power and you will need friends who love you enough to challenge you because they want God’s best in your life. 

Jesus gave us an example.  He did not “end up” with twelve by default; He chose the twelve.  I encourage you to be selective when choosing friends—choose those who will challenge you to become better, inspire you to rise higher, and motivate you to be all you can be.  There is a tremendous appointment that God has in your life called “friend.”  God looks at the faith of your friends, and He looks at you and says, “You’re going to be okay because of them.” 

SEASONS OF CHANGE

Here’s another thought:  Sometimes you outgrow friendships.  God works through seasons in our lives.  Some friends are for a short season and some for a long season, but eventually you will outgrow them.  The same God that opens doors is the same God that closes doors.  Change makes us uncomfortable but if we refuse to obey God and let go of things, it will keep us from reaching our potential.  That season may have been good, but it is now over.  Don’t feel guilty for letting go of that friendship—be thankful for that season in your life. 

I’m convinced that the reason many people live beneath their God-given potential is that they get stuck and can’t let go of certain things. 

Proverbs 22:24-25 (NIV), “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”  Did you catch that?  “Do not associate.”  In other words, it’s a choice we make.  Someone may be saying, “Praise the Lord, you just described my husband.  I just heard a word from God.  This is going to be my ex-husband.”  No, no.  If this is a spouse or a family member, you’re joined at the hip.  You signed the line.  Your family becomes a “boot camp” where you will learn to interact with your spouse and parents, and learn to love and respect each other.  Stay with it.  Work it through.  Pray and repent because what you do there will be transformed into other relationships that will carry you into your next season.

CHOOSING FRIENDS

Now let’s discuss the areas in life where you can be selective when choosing friends. Daniel 6:3, “This Daniel was preferred above the presidents and princes because an excellent spirit was in him, and the king thought to set him over the whole realm.”  Have you ever wondered why Daniel had such an excellent spirit?   I believe it was probably, in part, the influence of his friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  All four came together from Jerusalem into Babylonian captivity.  Daniel’s friends had inner fortitude.  They were men of excellence and deep faith.  When commanded by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow down to the golden idol or else be burned in the fiery furnace, they said, “We will not bow.  We will only serve our God.”  I believe the integrity and character of Daniel’s friends had “seeped” into his life, forming the “excellent spirit” that allowed Daniel to serve four kings, as a great leader! 

Your friends will influence you more than you will ever realize.  I Corinthians 15:33 (NIV), “Do not be misled:  Bad company corrupts good character.”  Bad company corrupts good morals; then good company will straighten out or clear up bad morals.  Good company can help you develop better standards and better principles, and increase your significance. 

You might ask, where do I find these good friends?  They’re not around where I live.  First of all, don’t get friends by default.  Just because they live down the street or you play basketball with them doesn’t mean that they are the people you should hang out with.  Select your friends even as Jesus did.  He chose twelve to be with him. He did not end up with them by default—He chose twelve.  Choose wisely. 

“Where do I start?” you ask.  Start where you are—in the mirror.  If you want to be surrounded by good friends, it has to begin in you because they will be attracted to the same.  For instance, if you want friends that are truthful, be truthful.  You want them to have good attitudes when the chips are down?  Then you develop that in yourself.  You want friends to be encouraging and helpful?  Then you be encouraging and helpful.  Do you want inspiring friends around you?  Then do the same.  Do you want friends who love their wives and family?  That’s what you have to be!

Last week I mentioned my To Do and To Be lists.  On my To Be list are the qualities I want to be:  develop a good attitude when the chips are down, discipline in my life against bad habits, love my wife and children, love God, and challenge myself “to be” those every single day.  When you become that, your friends will be like that because like always attract like.  

II Chronicles 16:9 (NASB), “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that he may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.”  The eyes of the Lord are moving to and fro to support, to pull, and to gather those hearts that are like His, that are set on Him.  If your heart is like God’s, you don’t have to look far because God is looking for you.  That’s where He found David.  He said, “Oh, here’s a man after my own heart.” 

If you are developing a heart like God’s and you become that person, you will have friends looking for you; you don’t have to look far for them. 

CONCLUSION

Prune off relationships that God has asked you to get rid of—it will help you so much.  Write down names of four people that have qualities you would like to become parts of yourself.  Then look at those that are pulling you the other way so you know who to friend and who to unfriend.  Get together with the four people you chose to be your friends and develop a relationship with them.  Don’t live your life by default.  Your life goes by so quickly.  Scripture says it’s like a breath and it’s gone.  Make sure you invest your life; don’t waste it.  Make sure that you are purposeful and wise about the people you associate with.  Then, you will never live beneath your potential, and God will move in your life and you will rise higher and higher.  Your horizon will be brighter.  You will find you are becoming more like that person you have always wanted to be—you are not just looking for friends—you are becoming one! 

STUDY QUESTIONS

1.       Why is the choice of friends vital to you?
2.       What makes people live beneath their potential?
3.       Make a list of the characteristics you would like to “seep” into your life.
4.       Make a To Be List, following Pastor Wayne’s example.
5.       What does II Chronicles 16:9 mean to you?