Pastor Phil Comer
June 29, 2014 - W1426

Specifically, today I want to talk a little about fathers.  What is a father?  The dictionary says a father is a male parent.  That sounds a little boring.  Let me give you two other definitions:  Fathers are men who give their daughters to other men who aren’t good enough so they can have grandchildren who are better than everyone else’s!

Here’s another definition – a father is someone who carries pictures of his kids in his wallet where money used to be!  I like that one.  I want to talk to dads today but since we’re diving into the scriptures there’s something for all of us.  The Bible is the Word of God—it does its own reproving, correcting, encouraging, and speaking.  If your heart is open, and I pray it is, I want to pray right now. 

Father, I thank you for everyone who is listening or reading this message—each one has been created by you, each one is known by you, each one is loved by you, and you know exactly where they are right now.  I thank you for the power of the scriptures and the power of the Holy Spirit.  Would you bring us literally into your presence and may we come to know Jesus better and to love Him more.  Lord, I thank you that you want to meet every need, whether big or small, especially those impossible mountains we have no idea how you will move.  You specialize in those kinds of things, so God, thank you for the truth of the scriptures and feed your people today.  We are your sheep and you are the Great Shepherd and we love you, in Jesus’ name.

The Bible gives instructions to children and also to parents.  God says through Paul in Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” God actually tells children if you honor your parents it will go well in your life.  God goes on and specifically speaks to dads, “And you Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  He gives a negative and a positive—what not to do and what to do. 

First He tells what not to do—don’t provoke your children to anger or make angry.  This means using a pattern of treatment repeatedly and over a period of time so that they become embittered to the point of giving up and may be even boiling over.

Colossians 3:21 puts it this way, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart.”  The Amplified Bible says, “Do not be hard on them or harass them lest they become discouraged and feel inferior and frustrated. Don’t break their spirit.”  This will cause your children to feel that they can’t please you no matter what they do and over a period of time you will have provoked them.  They’ll still love you but bitterness will be rising up towards you because no matter what they do, they cannot please you.  We do this with our words.  Proverbs 18:21says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,”those who speak rashly are like a thrust of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  We want to be moms and dads who bring healing to our kids.

There’s no perfect father or perfect mother.  There is only one perfect father, our Father in heaven, only one perfect son, Jesus who came down from heaven, and only one perfect father-son relationship.  We earthly parents, though we want to be perfect, oftentimes blow it.  Moms and dads, when you blow it, have a teachable and humble spirit before the Lord.  By God’s grace, ask your children for their forgiveness—apologize to them. 

What I love about our Lord is that if He ever says, “You should not do this,

it’s not good for you, it will bring you pain.” He also says, “This is what you should do.” 

Ephesians 6:4b, says, “Bring them (children) up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The phrase “bring them up” is the same word used in Ephesians 5:29 when Paul tells husbands, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,”meaning that they are to nourish and carefully provide and cherish their wives.  The word “nourish” translated is the same word “bring up your child” which means to nourish your children, bring them to maturity and care for them in every way.  Nourish is to provide a safe place, clothes, and care for, but your wife also needs tender affection—she needs to know there is no other woman on earth that you love like her. 

When you’re raising children you’ll make a lot of mistakes but if they see that mom and dad love each other, it’s like putting rebar in the foundation of your home, giving them a sense of security, knowing mom and dad love each other and they will not leave.

When you really accept the grace of God that He loves you as you are, that He wants to spend time with you, and you begin to fall in love with Him, you begin to see how He fathers you, then you can turn around and father your children in the same way.

However, you may not be a dad today but someday you might want to be a dad then now is the time to learn.  If you’re a single young lady and one day you might want to get married, this is the kind of man you want to marry.  Maybe you’re a grandparent this is the kind of thing you want to pass on to your grandchildren.

If you want to be a good dad, look at how your heavenly father is a good father to you.  You can’t be a good father until you’ve learned to be a good son.  Here are six ways you can learn from your Heavenly Father about fathering:

1. As a Loving Father, He has adopted you into His family.

   Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of his will.”Ephesians 1:5. The Bible says your sins have separated you from your father but there is no sin you have committed that is so bad that God cannot forgive you. You are welcomed, adopted, and accepted into God’s family. Children are a gift from God so accept them and let them know how much you love them.

 2. As a Wise Father, He is molding you.

He made you and you are unique. “For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother’s womb.”Psalm 139:13. God loves you just the way you are because He made you that way and He knows what’s best for you. He wants to mold your character to be like Jesus. As a dad, it is your job to discover this unique boy or girl and help to guide and maximize the gift God gave them.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it,”Proverbs 22:6. Train your child consistently and methodically and teach them the ways of the Lord.  Help them to discover how God wired them and when they get old they will not depart from that.  Someone once said parenting is not so much about molding as it is “unfolding,” opening up this beautiful gift that God has given you.  Every child is different.  As your Heavenly Father molds you, you want to mold your children.

 3. As a Caring Father He disciplines you.

One of the ways you know you belong to God is that He doesn’t let you continue the behavior that isn’t pleasing to Him and is harmful to you or others. He starts off gently—He reproves with conviction. How many have heard the gentle convicting voice of the Lord saying “You shouldn’t say that to your wife right now” or “that’s not good what you are about to do.” If we do not obey, then God rebukes with a stern warning and we know we are headed in the wrong direction. If we continue our own way He sometimes uses the “rod.” Most of us know what the rod feels like when God gives us a spanking and says, “Enough!” That should be an encouragement because “The Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom he loves and punishes, even scourges every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes,”Hebrews 12:6 Amplified. Discipline is a sign of your son-ship. No good father will let His son do whatever he wants to do. Children don’t automatically grow up being what God wants them to be. God wants you to look like His Son. Your children will model you; it’s a scary thing to see your child copying you.

 4. As a Good Father, He wants to bless you.

He loves to give good gifts to his children “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly,”Psalm 84:11c. As earthly fathers you want to pass on blessings to your kids. Blessings from mom and dad are hugely important. Two ways to bless them: first, praying for them is like putting a roof of God’s protection over them. If you don’t bow your knees and pray before them, fathers, how do you expect your kids to bow their knees to God? Wisdom comes from God so pray 2 Chronicles 20:12, “Lord, we don’t know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”Secondly, believe in your children. Say, “Son, I’m proud of you. I want to see God do everything in you He wants to do.”

 5. As a Faithful Father He will never abandon you.

He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,”Hebrews 13:5b. He will never cast you out. Earthly fathers, it’s your job to model for your kids what the love of the faithful Father is like. Hold on to them.

 6. Lastly, as a Perfect Father, He gave you Jesus.

God saw you were broken, lost and had a problem you could not solve so He gave you His Son Jesus. “For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believes on Him should not perish but have everlasting life,” John 3:16. 

Christ is your hope of glory.  Jesus Christ is the greatest gift you can give your children, but you can’t pass on what you don’t have.  Some parents may be feeling guilty because none of us is perfect.  We think of the things we did wrong or wish we could have done better.  I want to say to you, God is not mad at you.  All you need to do is say, “Lord starting today I want to be a father like you.”  Then go to your children and ask for their forgiveness and say “I know I made a lot of mistakes but I love you and I want to do better.”

God’s promise to you in Malachi 4:6, “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet…and he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.”

STUDY QUESTIONS:

1. Discuss the instructions God gives to children; to parents about discipline.

 2. Explain what “bringing them up in the discipline and instruction in the Lord” mean.

 3. Discuss the six attributes of your Heavenly Father that you can use to mold your children.