Pastor Jim Burns
July 28, 2013 - W1330

I live in Dana Point, California.  One early morning while walking my dog named Kona at Dana Point Harbor, I observed a couple stealing kisses while they skipped towards me.  Oblivious to my presence, they stopped to pet my dog.   Being a writer and speaker about marriage and family, I was intrigued by their intimacy and asked them, “What is the secret to your marital success?”

Upon noticing me the woman replied “We’re not married – we are soul mates.  We are in the same business and met about six years ago.  Although we live in different parts of the country – I have a family in Nashville Tennessee, and his family lives in Northern Virginia, we stay together at a hotel for five or six times a year.”  The woman then finishes her story about their lives, before they skip off and steal kisses again.

Stopping to ponder this situation, I’m thinking if both of their families may not be happy with this false soul- mate relationship.  Sometimes people may depart from the basic fundamentals and responsibilities of their marriage, and their family.  They may be distracted by their work, their finances, or the pressures of handling relationship responsibilities.

The great ‘theologian” – coach Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers said that when you stray from the basics you go a long way towards defeat.

There are times when we “do” stray away from the basics, when we “do” get distracted, and then we look up, and are lost.  So today I am going to talk about family, because we all come from a family, and it relates to the basics of life.

In the past 25 years I have had the privilege of speaking at most of the public and private schools in Hawaii.  However, beneath the surface of this conceptualization of paradise is “pain”.    A lot of us have pain.  I came from a non-Christian family where my dad and two of my brothers were alcoholic.  My wife Kathy’s father was also an alcoholic, and she came from a crazy and classic dysfunctional family. 

Kathy and I met at Azusa University, and have since been married for thirty-nine years.  We thought that our marriage would flow smoothly because of our Christian faith; however, this was not so.  After about a year of being married, we started to talk about the “D” word because of the difficulties that we were experiencing.  However, we changed our minds because we decided to think about our family first, and because we wanted to become a “transitional generation.”  The Bible says that you inherit the sins up to the third and fourth generations.  Therefore, we did not want the sins of our previous generations to ruin our family, and our future generations.  Instead, we decided not to repeat our families past sins, and to break the chain of dysfunction.

Let me share with you a story about a disagreement my daughter Christy had with her mother when she was 16 years old.  Although she was involved in the worship band at her Christian school, she drove us crazy when she was home.  One day Christy was having a disagreement with my wife.  After a while I intervened and told Christy to go to her room.  This made Christy mad, and she slammed the door so hard that our sign that says “Bless this house” went crooked.  Immediately I followed her up to her room where I told her that although her mother and I are not perfect, we are trying to break the chain of our family dysfunction within one generation.   Doing so would allow Christy to move forward with her life, without the garbage that we had carried.

Before I bring in the scriptures, I want to say to some of you that you can be a transitional generation.  We can recover.  It will not be easy, but it will be well worth it.  Today, I believe that God is breaking the chain of dysfunction.

A message out of the book of Mark says, “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.   When Jesus saw this, He was indignant.  He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’   And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.”  (Mark 10:13-16 NIV)

Jesus blessed the children by placing His hands on them.  Jesus also welcomed women.  This was radically different because rabbis did not allow children or women to come to them, because in Hebrew thinking, women or children were on the same level as a dog.

The Bible also said, “He took a little child and had him stand among them.  Taking him in His arms, He said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes one of these little children in My name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes Me does not welcome Me but the One who sent Me.’” (Mark 9:36, 37 NIV)

What Jesus was saying is that when you welcome a child, you also welcome God.  Saying this could have gotten Him stoned to death because some people might have thought that what He said was blasphemous.  Jesus placed a high calling on children.  This is shown in another scripture that says, “And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large milestone tied around his neck.”   (Mark 9:42 NIV)

A while back I spoke at a convention in Guatemala. During the convention, I noticed a gorgeously radiant woman enter the room.  She was distinctly dressed in a colored skirt and an embroidered blouse.   Jeffrey my interpreter, briefly stopped me and greeted and blessed her in Spanish.

During a break in my speaking, I asked Jeffrey who this woman is, and he told me she is akin to their version of Mother Teresa.  She goes to the most dangerous parts of Guatemala where there are drug cartels to share the good news of Jesus Christ with children, and she also helps unwed mothers.  Because unwed mothers are dear to my heart, I wanted to meet her.

While speaking to her, Jeffrey interrupted me to tell me that her twelve year old son died three months ago.  So I looked at her and said “I’m sorry, how do you manage to be so radiant with this grief?”

Her eyes swelled up with tears and she said in Spanish something that I will never forget.  She said “Because children are closest to our God.” And that’s how she could still remain radiant.  What she was saying is that children are closest to God’s heart.

The question is how can we be this “transitional generation”?  Maybe your children did not follow God.  Maybe you are a student or a teenager, and you are not expressing your love towards your parents, or maybe you are experiencing other painful family relationships. 

The fact is Jesus cares deeply and desperately for the family.  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me.” (Mark 10:14)

Today, I am going to use three basic points to address how we can become a transitional generation.

1. Bless them with your presence.

The Bible says “Let the little children come...”  (Mark 10:14)

Did you know that the number one fear of teenagers is that their parents will die? 

Children regard your very presence as a sign of caring and connectedness.

When I was fifty years old my mom was in hospice dying of cancer.  One day we while we were having a conversation she said “You know Jim, I never liked baseball.”   I responded by saying “what do you mean you never liked baseball?” I told her that she had four sons that played baseball and she watched millions of games.  She replied, “We’ll I did not go there to watch baseball, I went there to be with you.”   Her saying this touched my heart.

Parents- your presence matters at your kid’s games.  For students this also applies to your relationship with your parents.

The Bible says, “And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.” (Mark 10:16)  Jesus put His hands on children and blessed them.  Therefore, we should

2. Bless them with your affection.

UCLA researchers tell us that the average person needs eight to ten meaningful touches a day in order to thrive emotionally.  This could be in the form of a hug or a friendly punch to your thirteen year old boy.

A lot of moms think that I can help their kids because I have written a lot of books for kids. One day a mom and dad brought their teenage daughter to my office because the mom caught her daughter with a boy in her bed. Their daughter went to a Christian school and her parents were strong and active members of their church.  When this family came into my office the girls’ parents distanced themselves on the couch that all three of them shared.  What I found out is that as she grew older, her parents had stopped giving her the affection that she needed.  Therefore, she sought the affection of boys to love and hug her more.

Affection is critical.  Sexual promiscuity is a false sign of sexual intimacy.  Pornography and ugly things that are going on in the world today is a sign that people crave affection. The church should be a place where we give affection to our families and appropriate affection to the Body of Christ.  A hand shake may be important for someone, because that person may not have had their hand touched for the entire day.  Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in My name welcomes Me and whoever welcomes Me does not welcome Me but the One who sent Me.”   (Mark 9:37)

So we bless children with our presence and affection, and we always

3. Bless them with spiritual deposits.

A lot of Christians have become over committed and under connected.

They are busy working so long hours that they are neglecting their families. 

A while ago I spoke at the Blaisdell arena.  A woman who was married to a well-known Christian - who had an affair, was sitting in the first row.  She had tears of joy from witnessing kids who had come forward to make their pledge to Jesus.  So after I was done, I walked off the stage to her and she said “Jim, I think the Lord gave me a word for you – is it okay that I share it?”   She said “Untended fires soon become nothing but a pile of ashes.”

 I know that if I do not tend to the fire within me, then I will stray from God.  The result is that I become a lousy father, or a lousy husband.

“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” – Vince Lombardi

The Bible says that a man of integrity walks securely.  I am convinced that my children will walk securely, if I am a man of integrity.

In 1989, forty-thousand people died within four minutes from an earthquake in the country of Sofia Armenia.  During the earthquake a man and his family ran out into the street where they huddled together; however, one of his boys was at school.  So he went to the school site, and dug for hours looking for his son.  After four hours the police urged him to leave for his own safety.  After eight hours his wife had given up hope and told him to go home.  He ignored their pleas and kept digging, until after thirty six hours he heard his son Armen calling.  The man said “Armen, is that you?”  Armen replied, “Yes dad, I told the other boys with me that you would come because you said that you would always be there for me.” 

The Bible says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”  In our families we sometimes feel that we are left and forsaken.  We are not.  God gives us strength that we can give to our families.

So I pray by the power of the Holy Spirit that You would speak to our hearts in the name of Jesus – and everybody say “Amen”.

Possible Questions:

· How can we become a “transitional generation?”

· Why is your presence and affection vital to the health and growth of your family?

· Why did Jesus value little children?

· What spiritual deposits can you bless each of your family members with?