Pastor Wayne Cordeiro
August 19, 2012 - W1234

For every problem that you and I will face, someone in the scriptures will have already faced it themselves. They leave behind breadcrumbs or clues that we can follow after. The Bible can teach us a lot about finding and losing friends. We will be talking about that through the life of David.

You might ask why are we talking about friends? It is because chronic loneliness has tripled. People are lonelier now than ever before. People are not just looking for friendly churches - they are looking for friends. That is why social networking, such as Facebook, in the United States is increasing. People are going online for dating and getting married simply because they are reaching out for friends.

You can make friends in good ways or you can make friends in bad ways. Some friendships will parallel your life and then diverge. Other friendships will intersect for a moment and leave a residue behind. Some have a shelf life or expiration date. And if you are blessed some relationships overlap over a lifetime. But whether it is a short time or long time with a friendship, every single one has a purpose. That’s why it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-6, “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…a time to gain, a time to lose.” The scripture says that even in times of loss there is a purpose of that friendship.

So today I want to talk about:

1- Three friends that everybody needs.

2- Two friends everybody needs to lose.

3- One friend everybody needs to keep.

The life of David had many encounters, many accomplishments, but one encounter stood out most. David had a deep friendship with Jonathan, King Saul’s son. Now Saul was chasing David and trying to kill him because he feared that one day David would take the throne instead of his son Jonathon. So David was a fugitive for many days of his life. However, Jonathan knew that God had chosen David to be king and not Jonathan himself. So there was a deep friendship but unfortunately Jonathon died in a battle. But David never forgot the deep friendship he had with Jonathan. Because of this deep friendship David instituted an office of a friend when he put together his cabinet of officers: "Jonathan, David's uncle ... was a counselor; Jehiel tutored the king's sons. Ahithophel was counselor to the king; and Hushai the Archite was the king's friend" (1 Chron. 27:32-33).

In your life you need to have three friends appointed by God. If you don’t, you will miss the gift that God wants to present in your life.

Likewise, Solomon, when he became king also implemented the office of friend as a result of the stories he heard from his father David: "These were his officials: Azariah was the priest; Elihoreph and Ahijah, were secretaries; Jehoshaphat was the recorder...and Zabud the son of Nathan, was the king's friend" (1 Kings 4:2-3,5). Nathan was the one that repaired things with David and God vertically when he messed up with Bathsheba. There will be some friend appointments by God that you must make room for that will help you to deal and repair horizontal things. And there will be other God appointed friends that will help you repair things vertically as Nathan did for David when David took Bathsheba away from Uriah the Hittite and had him killed in battle. There are …

Three friends we need:

1. Everybody needs a JONATHAN.

He is a horizontal friend that encourages you, believes in you, and cares about you. The Bible says, "... the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself ... and Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword, bow and belt" (1 Sam 18:1,4). One of the greatest gifts of your life is to have someone committed to your highest good. The character of a Jonathan is someone who loves Jesus and loves you - in that order. You do not want it reversed. Otherwise you will look only for people just to be on your side whether you are really right or wrong. That person is committed to your very best in your life. If you are married then your spouse should be a Jonathan---someone committed to your highest best, to be willing to lay down everything for you. As the Bible says, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” (Prov. 31:10-12)

Do everything you can to become that friend in your marriage, because one of the most devastating problems in marriages today is not that people fall out of love, they fall out of friendship. And so they still live in the same house and still go to the same church, but they are not friends like they used to be. To develop a friendship so that you can start trusting one another completely is absolutely critical to your marriage. You need to spend time with each other and build that friendship. Otherwise, chronic loneliness will develop and then there is a wandering in different directions.

2. Everybody needs a HUSHAI.

A Hushai is usually an older person with whom you can have counsel and to whom pour your heart on.

---FIND A LIGHTING ROD---Another God appointed friend that will take your anger and - like electricity - ground it. He is someone that you can pour out your problems to; someone with a little more wisdom, a little more experience, who is cautious in what he speaks, is able to ground your anger and frustration and gives you good counsel instead. However, understand that some people do not make good lightning rods because they are too sensitive and fragile or will internalize your anger.

3. Everybody needs a NATHAN.

This person is someone to whom you have given permission to speak honestly and openly about your life to you. They are not the most fun people to be with; nonetheless they watch out for your integrity. They are a God appointed friend. As scriptures say, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Prov. 27:6).

And if you want …

TO WIN FRIENDS, FIRST BE ONE--- Remember, "A man that has friends must show himself friendly" (Prov. 18:24).

However, there are …

Two friends to lose:

1. Angry friends.

The Bible warns, "Do not associate with a man given to anger or go with a hot tempered man lest you learn his ways and find a snare for yourself" (Prov. 22:24-25).

And do not be angry yourself because you will not want to live with that angry person that is inside of you.

2. Gossipy friends:

Remember, "He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip" (Prov. 20:19). If a gossipy friend always tries to slander people and always find what is bad about people, then one day when you are not there he is slandering you to somebody else.

One friend to keep:

JESUS

Jesus said, "No longer do I call you slaves ... but I call you friends. You did not choose Me, but I chose you" (John 15:15-16).

Choose your friends wisely because “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Pr. 18:23)

Although you are needing a Jonathan, a Hushai, and a Nathan, Jesus is really all three. He will speak directly to you, embrace you, applaud you, correct you, watch your integrity, repair your vertical relationship, and improve your horizontal relationships. If you have no friend, He will be the best friend you will ever have. But do make room for the friends of a Jonathan, a Hushai, and a Nathan and let God help you to be a person who understands friendship with God. It will change your life.

Study Suggestions

1. Why was Jonathan so faithful to David?

2. Who are the 3 friends that you need to find?

3. Why do you need a Jonathan?

4. Why do you need a Hushai?

5. Why do you need a Nathan?

6. How do you win friends?