Happy Mother’s Day! Today is Mother’s Day and we are going to talk about the three requirements of being a successful mother. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. You will understand why when you see mothers raising multiple kids and finishing all the housework at the same time. They are able to multi-task and still manage to accomplish all of them. The scripture said, “Manoah said, ‘What shall be the boy’s mode of life and his vocation?’ So the angel said to Manoah, ‘Let the woman pay attention to all that I said…’” (Judg. 13:12-13) So we can see that there is an important role for the mother so she had to be the one to pay attention in shaping the boy’s mode of life and future vocation. But not all hard working mothers can be successful ones. There are at least three requirements that a mother needs so that she can be successful. And all these requirements have Biblical bases. Let’s look at the scriptures and see what the requirements are.

It was written, “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Prov. 31:27) In other words, we need …

1. A mother who is VIGILANT.

My wife Anna always prayed a particular prayer for our children when they were young. She prayed that if any of them got off-track even by only a tiny bit, that they would get caught. And God did answer those prayers. As they got caught, they got to be disciplined and they learned not to do those wrongs anymore. Mother needs to be loving but she is not to please the children when they should not be. She has to discipline and direct the children to the right path. The scripture said, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15) If you don’t discipline your children, the foolishness is going to stay in their hearts and they will end up foolish even after they have grown up. Meanwhile, you need to distinguish and:

Know The Difference Between: PUNISHMENT & DISCIPLINE.

Punishment is motivated by ANGER and focuses on past MISTAKES.

Discipline is motivated by LOVE and focuses on future CHARACTER.

Some parents are too loving and afraid of hurting their children so they don’t discipline with appropriate means. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on past mistakes so much that they get angry and become violent with their children. There are always debates on whether we should spank our children. However, we should focus on the motives in our hearts instead of the action itself. Are you spanking out of anger or love? If the motive is wrong, then the action will become a punishment to the child regardless if it is violent or not. When we get the motive right, we will be disciplining the children instead. And only discipline can bring character development. So we need to have a loving heart with disciplinary acts instead of an angry heart with punishment. Children may feel bad at the time of being disciplined, but mothers have to be vigilant. Furthermore, you need to be careful that you don’t tolerate or allow children to go off God’s path, because:

·     It’s not always what a parent does that ruins a child. It’s what they TOLERATE.

That’s why it’s important to stay vigilant when disciplining your children. You cannot give in to demands, entitlement or wrong attitudes. If you give in and tolerate it, you will only mess up the child’s development. It was written, “Samson went to Timnah and saw a woman, so he told his father and mother, ‘Get her for me as a wife.’ They told him, ‘Is there no woman among the daughters of your own people that you should take a wife from the Philistines?’ But Samson said, ‘Get her for me for she looks good…’” (Judg. 14:1-3) The parents of Samson gave in and we all know that that wife wasn’t good for Samson in the Bible. Therefore, we can’t tolerate the foolishness though it might seem harmless initially. Your children do need your help to get rid of the foolishness that is bound up in their hearts because they aren’t able to get rid of the foolishness themselves. However, let me warn you that you won’t be the most popular person to your children when you discipline them. They will say a lot of hurtful words to make you feel that you want to surrender. However, don’t let those words fool you. If you wonder why the society has become how it is nowadays, it’s because the parents tolerated their children’s sins yesterday. So let’s not continue tolerating foolish acts. Instead, discipline your children out of love and for the sake of building their characters. After you are able to stay vigilant, the second requirement you need to have is:

2. A faith that is REAL.

You need to make your faith easy to live with because that is the proof of your faith that children will see and be influenced. It was written, “So that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may found to result in praise and glory and honor at the coming of the Lord Jesus.” (1 Pet. 1:7) You cannot talk about faith without being able to live it because the children will see it. When they see that you are not living with what you teach them verbally, they will not be influenced by your talk. Children are influenced by how you live your life and your actions towards different things. For example, if you have the habit of pointing fingers at others and think that others are not living up to God’s standard, that is a selfish faith that you are living with, which will also influence your children to grow up being the blaming person you are now. This kind of selfish faith is only helping you to feel good about yourself by putting other people down. And you will be developing a culture of blaming others in your home. The environment of faith you develop in your household is very important as it will determine their characters a lot. There is a study showing what kind of characters will be bred in different kinds of environment. Children who live in an environment of criticism will develop the spirit of blaming others, and hostility will develop fights; an environment of fear will develop doubtfulness while an environment of pity develops self-pitying. On the other hand, an environment of encouragement develops confidence, and an environment of prayers develops gratefulness; while forgiveness develops love and faith develops trusting in God. So what kind of environment are you developing for your children today? It is developed by how you live out your faith and actions. If you want your children to be grateful, then you need to cultivate an environment of prayers with your children. In return, the family surrounding the mother also contributes to the third requirement for a successful mother, and this requirement is:

3. A family that is GRATEFUL.

This is a very important as the scripture said, “Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all’”

The Bible said that, “Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Phil. 4:6). We can grumble and complain a lot when we don’t give thanks. When I first started the Bible College in Oregon, the students were grumbling about the food and different things. And I had to tell them to stop. One of them came up and asked why he couldn’t voice his opinion. I replied to him that he could criticize only when he had earned this right, and this right is earned by being equally grateful. It’s easy for us to grumble about things when they aren’t as good as we would want. However, did we ever give thanks when things turn out to be good? I challenged them and asked if they would remember the last time they gave thanks to the cook if they had eaten good food. If they hadn’t, they can’t grumble about bad food either. When we grumble without gratefulness, we are not giving criticism but developing a spirit of cynicism instead. And you end up not knowing how to appreciate people even when they are doing well, and we will only know how to keep pushing other people down so that we feel good about ourselves. I have counseled a lot married couples and none of the marriages was bad. The problem was that each partner didn’t want to change or improve in their own problem areas. They only wanted to grumble about their partners. So let’s stop grumbling, and instead start being a grateful family. They only help our mothers to be successful, but also help us to clean our eyes so that we start to see the good qualities in people and learn to appreciate them. Let’s be a family with a grateful heart towards our mothers and each other. Amen.

Discussion Questions:

1. What are the three requirements of being a successful mother?

2. What do you need to keep in mind when being vigilant?

3. How can you distinguish between punishment and discipline?

4. How can we cultivate an environment that is good for your children?

5. What is the difference between criticism and cynicism?