This message is for singles as well as married couples. Building strong marriages goes against our culture. There is even a web site that caters to married people who want to have an affair. Their tag line is "Life Is Short-Have An Affair". It may be hard to believe, but it is absolutely true. In the year 2003, this web site had fifty thousand members. Today, there are over nine million. It is very clear that our marriages need help. The message today is For Better. This comes from our wedding vows- For Better or Worse. What I want to share with you is For Better and something positive that you can use all aspects of your life not only in your marriage.

These are principles for a Biblical relationship that God wants that you can apply whether you are married or single. These principles have been field tested through my marriage but please remember this, it does take work. As the Bible says, "Agree wholeheartedly with each other, love one another and work together with one heart and purpose." (Phil. 2:2 NLT) It is not going to be automatic.  You are not simply going to inherit a good marriage.  It will take work.  So here are the …

Principles of a Lasting Relationship

1. Make FRIENDS with each other.

Do not take your friends for granted. You can't buy this anywhere. You need to invest time and effort in a friendship. Jesus expressed how highly he thought of friendship by saying, "No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15 NKJV) He valued friendship so highly that He gave them God’s knowledge. Further, the Bible commands, "Love each other, be deep-spirited friends." (Phil. 2:2 MSG) Friendship should be deep and not superficial. Take the time and effort to make friends. So how do we do this?

1. COMMUNICATE consistently.

The Bible says, "A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a faithful ambassador brings health." (Prov. 13:17 NKJV) It is the ambassador's job and our job to communicate well to the people around us - especially to our spouse for lasting relationships. This means person to person and not phone to phone. A new study was released in England, that one in ten couples only talk with each other thru texting and email. God wants us to interact personally and face to face with each other.

2. Invest TIME with each other.
   
   

Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10 NASV) Most of us think that the thief is the evil one or the devil. But when we look at the verse again, the thief could actually be the wrong priorities in your life. The thieves could be things that contend for your attention, distract you and destroy your time together. God wants us to thrive – not only simply sustain our existence. We should strive to thrive as a couple. Another way to make friends with your spouse is to …

3. Capture your MEMORIES.

As the Bible says, "You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves, and tell your children and grandchildren as well." (Deut. 4:9 CEV) We need to remind ourselves constantly of our shared experiences because God knows that we tend to forget. God is saying, that we need to tell the story and remember what it was like down through the generations. It was important for God's people the Israelites to not to forget their deliverance from slavery in Egypt because God was forming a people of His own heart.

Another principle of a lasting relationship is to …

2. Make a COMMITMENT without fear.

We tend to make a lot of excuses for not committing to someone worthy. We might make up an unrealistic list of traits we desire in a spouse. We might stay in bad relationships or we might say that marriage is boring. As part of your commitment …

1. Craft words of ENCOURAGEMENT.

As it is written, "So encourage each other and give each other strength, just as you are doing now." (1 Thess. 5:11 NCV) Select, create and use words of encouragement to each other. But here is an example of what not to do. A couple in their sixties was getting ready for bed when the wife looked into a full length mirror. She asked her husband to tell her something that was positive about herself because she saw that her body was getting old with white hair and sagging limbs. Her husband kept telling her that she was fine but she kept pleading so finally he said that there was nothing was wrong with her eye sight! For me though, I have kept a card from my wife and a letter from a young friend for years now because they contain simple words of encouragement that have meant the world to me in hard times.

2. HONOR each other.
   
   

The Bible commands, "Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others." (Phil. 2:4 NCV) God is challenging each of us to look at one another. He does not want us to only be interested in what the other person can do for us. God wants us to be interested in what they are reading, playing or doing. He wants us to be interested in one another. Further, the Bible says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." (Rom. 12:10 NIV) Be devoted to each other as if you have given a vow in a promise to each other for devotion. This is what Paul is trying to tell us in the scripture above.

3. Be FLEXIBLE.

Remember, "Love doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first.'" (1 Cor. 13:5 MSG) Every marriage and relationship will have conflict. To love means not to insist on your own way.

3. Make JESUS the center of your relationships.
   
   

"Think the same way that Christ Jesus thought." (Phil. 2:5 CEV) It is a difficult thing to do - to think that your life can be just like Jesus. This is the bar that is set high before us. God wants us to keep Jesus in the center of our life and thoughts. Any relationship that lasts requires two people to look more in the same direction than at each other.

1. RELEASE your partner to be him/herself.
   
   

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves." (Phil. 2:3 NASV) This is so important. A nurse, who took care of dying people, compiled a list of regrets she had heard from them. She had come up with five of the deepest regrets. The number one regret though was that they had wished that they had had the courage to live their lives that was true to themselves and not what others expected of them. God has given us this gift in marriage in deep friendship through out our life. We need to release each other so that God can fulfill the promise meant for that person in the plan of his life.

2. FORGIVE quickly.
   "Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." (Eph. 4:31-32 MSG) Move forward as a couple and regarding your differences.
3. CELEBRATE your differences.
   "Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let each exercise them accordingly." (Rom. 12:6 NASV)
   When we make Jesus the center of our relationships we will be able to live together in a lasting life.
   "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Josh. 24:15 NASV)

Serve the Lord well.

Study Suggestions

1. What commitment will you make in regards to the principles of a lasting relationship?
2. What should we invest with each other?
3. What kind of words should we use?
4. Who should be the center of our relationship?
5. What should we do quickly?
6. What should we celebrate?