Pastor Dave Barr
July 26, 2009 - W0930

Building healthy relationships is tough for all of us. And most naturally healthy ones do not happen automatically all by itself. But guess what? God Himself invented relationships. And Jesus was the expert at this. So to help us out here, God left the owner’s manual for life called the Bible. In it, we’ll find what our relationship priorities should be.

Don’t worry God’s principles can help in any stage of life. Be it you’re single, a new parent, parent of a teenager, empty nesters or boomerang parents. Huh? Yes, boomerang parents is when you’re children have left your home, but came back to live with you again.

There are three relationship priorities for building healthy families. For some of us, this would be a review. For if you’re like me, I know more than I’m actually doing. For example, I know I should eat healthier but I usually don’t. For some of you, you know you need get more sleep but you don’t. Therefore, as we learn, set and balance our priorities, I pray it will be sealed into our hearts.  Well, the first step in building healthy relationships is…

SCHEDULE GOD’S PRIORITIES AS OUR PRIORITIES!

Yes, schedule God in your calendar. For example, when we have a dentist appointment we schedule it in our calendars to remind us. Well, the same goes for doing our daily devotions. Listen, what gets scheduled in gets done. So if you’re having a hard time doing your daily devotions write them in your calendar.

All in all, God wants to bless your relationships. Yes, He sure does! Therefore, in order for us to understand the fullness of God’s blessings we’ll need to obey the owner’s manual for life. And though it may be challenging, we’ll need to direct our lives as best as we can around God’s priorities. For when we do, we’ll be setting ourselves up for God’s fullest blessings.

So what are God’s priorities for us? Interestingly in the book of Deuteronomy, Moses penned a great message. This is where we find gems greater than gold on how to build a Godly family. Here is the first priority.

~RELATIONSHIP PRIORITY #1 ~ LOVE GOD.

Our first and highest relationship should be with God. He should be our top priority, everyday. Listen to what the Bible tells us, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul and with ALL your strength.” (Deut. 6:4-5 NIV)  Notice that it doesn’t say some of your heart. Or, some of your soul or leftover energy you have. But instead, with ALL your heart, souls and strength.  As children of God, loving Him is the greatest thing we can do. In fact, it is the first priority of our existence. Not just on Sundays, but through out the week as well.

Catch this! If we get to know Jesus more and love Him more, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t get everything done on your to do list. For in God’s eyes, you just had a great day! 

This tells us our job or our chores are not the first priorities in life. Of course they are important, but it is not the first priority. And yes, we live busy lives with so much to do there’s not much time left for devotions. Some of you have more responsibilities than others. Others have two or maybe three jobs. And some are single parents taking care of the children and working a full time job. 

Consequently, some people just get enough Christianity to bug them. Yet, it is not enough to bless them. However, don’t wait until a debilitating illness hits you or a loss of someone dear move you to making God your priority in life. But instead, choose it for yourself.

So, schedule time for God on a daily basis. As for me, I write it in my schedule. You can do the same as well because…

Ø     WHAT GETS SCHEDULED, GETS DONE.

The point here is to pen in “daily devotions” as you do with your meetings, seminars, kids soccer games, fundraisers, birthdays etc. Because if you don’t all of life’s distractions will steal time away from you.

Therefore, if you’re falling back on your reading, schedule time to read this week. If you normally read three or four times a week, work on getting five or six times. For some, spend more time praying. You can do this in the car on your way to work. For others, spend time listening to Christian worship music.

All of these will enhance and help you towards God’s priority which is to love Him. The second priority for building healthy families is,

~ RELATIONSHIP PRIORITY #2 ~ LOVE YOUR SPOUSE.

Scripture tells us, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Gen. 2:18 NIV) In this verse, God declares His reason for creating a woman. It is when He created Eve for Adam. After this, the Bible tells us, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.” (Gen. 1:31 NIV)

So what’s missing in this scripture? Yes, there are no children! It is very good! So if you’re single or have no children, rejoice!

Okay, the point is woman alone completes man. And, man alone completes a woman. Therefore, these two complete each other. Here is another point. Children do not complete a family. Instead, they are an addition to a family. There is a difference. So please understand them.

For most parents if we’re honest we’d agree that the number one priority is our children. Sadly but true, children have become the center of our world instead of God.

And what child would not love to be the center of attention?  Yet, if we’re not careful this will make us child centered parents instead of Christ centered parents. This is when our world revolves around taking little Sara or little John to their soccer games. When we work around her piano lesson and make sure they have their lunches. By the time you know it, some where along the way, your child became a God. 

This is common in families. However, when you find this happening in your family you’ll need to re-order your priorities. In other words, bring balance back into your life by making God first and spouse second. Why? Because God will bless your relationships. So,

Ø     BE A GOD CENTERED PARENT NOT A CHILD CENTERED PARENT.

With your spouse the second priority in your life, schedule time for him/her your calendar as well. Remember, what gets scheduled gets done. We’ll call these your date your mate times. And, this should be done on a weekly basis. Just spend some time together and focus on one another. It doesn’t matter how old or how long you’ve been together. Show them you love them by giving them some of your time.

In these economical times, paying a sitter can be rough. My wife and I work around this by having a lunch date. By doing so, we get free baby sitting because the kids are in school. If you can’t afford going out for dinner, you could pack sandwiches and go to the beach with your spouse. All in all, when you spend time with your spouse you’ll find a refreshing. And your relationship together strengthens.

Never forget that your priority with your spouse is above your children. However, please don’t misinterpret and think we’re saying to neglect your children. The point here is this; our children are not the center of our world. The key here is to prioritize our relationships in the correct order. Which is to love God first, spouse second and then…

~ RELATIONSHIP PRIORITY #3 ~ LOVE KIDS

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Duet. 6:6-9 NIV) Here, the Bible gives us specific instructions as to raising children. In addition, Moses emphasizes teaching our children spiritually by talking about God’s commandments all the time. In other words, we need to make spiritual training a part of our everyday life.

Even if your children are grown adults, you can still train them. It is never too late to point your kids back to God. You could write them an email and say something like; I didn’t know Jesus when I was raising you. But I’ve met Him and I’m developing a relationship with Him. Most certainly I’m not perfect but I’d like to point you to God. He’s changed my life and he’s for real.

So how do we raise and train our kids up spiritually? Well, most importantly, model to your kids what you want them to do. In other words, children learn more from models than they do from manuals. For example they will learn to forgive if they see you forgiving. They will learn to read their Bible if they see you reading yours. And, children will learn to serve when they see you serving.

When it comes to spiritual training listen, more is caught than taught. Children learn far more by how we live than what we say. We can teach what we know about the Bible. More importantly, you’ll reproduce how much you live the Bible.

You are the example your child’s life. When they see you going to church, praying or see you forgiving people at work who wronged you and still having a vibrant relationship with Christ, they will see that it works! Amazingly, they will become a Christ follower. “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”

So do we fall short? Absolutely. But by you coming to church today is a model for your children. And, I commend you for doing so. Here is another example; spending time with your children during dinner time with the television off. You could replace television with playing a game with them called high & low. In our family I ask my children what was their high point of the day and then their low point. This has helped us a lot with getting to know our kids.  It is written,

Here are some interesting results to a survey. If a mom and dad go to church, they’re children are 72% likely to go to church when they become adults. If only mom goes to church, there’s a 15% chance the children will go to church when they become adults. And, if only dad goes to church, 55% of the children will likely go to church when they are adults. And lastly, if neither mom nor dad goes to church, only 6% of kids will go to church as adults.

Men, you play a huge role in the spiritual formation in your kid’s lives whether you realize it or not. So do we want to build a healthy family? Most certainly! Then let’s keep God our number one relationship above all others. We ought to love Him with all our heart, soul and strength. After God we should love our spouse. And then finally, to love our children. All in that order.

As a Pastor I’ve been in the presence of those on their death beds. And I want you to know I’ve never once heard a person say, Dave go get me my diploma or trophy. Or, go get my gold watch I got for retirement. But instead, people asked for their families. Hence, if I were to summarize the Bible into one word, it would be relationships!

DISCUSSION SUGGESTIONS

1. How are you doing in your first priority with God?

(Schedule God in daily for devotions for the next 4 weeks).

2. How are you doing in your second priority with your spouse? Have you spent time together without the children last week?

(Schedule a weekly time in your calendar for spouse for the next 4 weeks)

3. In what practical ways can I take one step closer to God today than I did yesterday?

4. In what practical ways can I be a model for my children?  List them.

5. How will you be a better person because of what you’ve learned today?