Pastor Wayne Cordeiro
April 5, 2009 - W0914

How many of you grumble a lot …sometimes … never? All of us grumble and complain many times to the excess. So what would make us stop? Would it be more money, food or more toys? Well, last year we spent $52 billion on pets, $152 billion on junk food and countless billions on entertainment. You would think that we should be happy. We are only 4.6% of the world’s population but a use an incredible 40% of the world’s resources. We have two times as many shopping malls as schools. Per capita, we are the richest in the world. A recent survey says that 80% of Americans want more but at the same time 90% say that we are too materialistic.

Since the 1950’s, technology to solve our problems and make us happy has increased at a fantastic rate but our society is more depressed and more violent. 90 nations spend less on themselves than we spend on our pets. But we grumble more than any other nation in the world.

We need to talk about grumbling and complaining because grumbling is tied to bad decisions. As the Bible says, “Don’t grumble about each other, my brothers and sisters, or God will judge you. For look! The great Judge … is standing at the door! For examples … look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord …” (James 5:9-10). Evidence of grumbling leading to bad decisions is found in the history of the ancient Israelites. Their grumbling caused them to make bad decisions that kept them out of the Promised Land. A whole generation of them died in the wilderness without ever entering the Promised Land because of it.

We choose how we respond to a problem.  We can choose to grumble about it or we can choose to deal with the problem. So how do we reduce our grumbling and arguing?

1.      BE CONVINCED OF ITS DESTRUCTIVE POWER.

It is written, “[Don’t] grumble, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer. These things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction…” (Cor. 10:10-11). We need to be motivated by being convinced of the destructive power of complaining. God does want us to resolve a problem but how we resolve it is very important. If we resolve a problem poorly, as in complaining about it, then it opens the door for the devil into our lives.

The Great Wall of China was designed to keep the Mongols and barbarians out of China. It was thousands of miles long and dozens of feet high and seemed impregnable. But Mongols got through because they bribed a guard to open a gate in the Great Wall. Likewise, grumbling opens the door for the Devil into our lives.

I sometimes have my doctor burn spots off my skin because some of them can be precancerous and if I do not get to them in time they will turn into cancer. Complaining is similar, if we do not stop it and make it right immediately, the damage could grow to destroy everything. As the Bible warns, “Instead of showing love among yourselves you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another” (Gal. 5:15 NLT). At first, our complaining may not seem like a big deal but it can escalate and become like a cancer. So how else can we reduce our complaining and arguing?

2.      LIVE INTENTIONALLY.

Great marriages are made intentionally. Great lives are forged intentionally. Great service to God is intentional. In other words, you have to purposely be trying to do good with your words and actions as opposed to simply letting things happen. This is a command, “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you” (Eph. 4:29). We should also remember that life and death is in the power of our tongues so, “In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing” (Phil. 2:14).

In my monthly planner, I remind myself constantly that one of my objectives is to say no hurtful words. I know I complain too much. Complaining discourages and depresses ourselves. We need to resolve problems according to Biblical principles. We should remember that the anger of man does not accomplish God’s purposes. But what if someone else starts the argument? It does not matter. We still have to behave well.

Another way to reduce complaining and arguing is …

3.      KEEP YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE.

The secret to a great life is an internal warning system that tells us when we are about to go off track. As the Bible says, “Be sure to do what you should…and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Gal. 6:4-5). Also, you should, “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is really genuine. Test yourselves.” (2 Cor. 13:5). God says that if we are going to reduce complaining and arguing, we must hold ourselves accountable.  

But what if we mess up, anyway?

·        CORRECT THINGS QUICKLY.

Problems tend to grow if left alone so remember, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). Deal quickly with the effects of your complaining and arguing. Do not let it become like a cancer growing out of control. If you have hurt or offended someone with your complaining, arguing or hurtful words - make it right, now. Do not even go to sleep before you apologize. Humble pie is always best when eaten warm. While you could delay taking corrective steps and you will still be forgiven – that delay opens the door for the Devil and the Devil could destroy all the foundations of your life in that time. Accordingly, “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Eph 4:26-27). You can still be angry but do not sin and thereby give the Devil a chance to enter your life.

It is also written, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). In other words, you need to make it right as soon as possible so that you can start healing.

In Bible college, I had a weird prankster friend named Mike Nichols who played a prank on me. This began a long series of escalating retaliatory strikes that finally resulted in us actually fist fighting. But later that night as I was trying to sleep, Mike told me that God would not let him sleep until he apologized to me. At that point I just wished that Mike would just let me turn away and leave me alone. God replied to me, “Isn’t that what you do to Me, when I try to talk to you? You should be more like Mike.” So apologize now.  Make things right with people you have offended or hurt with your complaining, arguing or hurtful words. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.

This week let us resolve to abstain from complaining and hurtful words. So put a rubber band on your right wrist. When you complain or hurt someone with your words, transfer it to your left until you make it right or apologize to that person.  After you have atoned, then you can transfer back to your right wrist. Make sure you do this before you sleep that night.

I once had offended six people and so could not get a decent night’s sleep until I had written six letters of apology.  After I had done so there was a very heavy weight lifted from my heart and only then I was able to sleep. And all six later replied with an apology of their own.

So remember, let’s be doers of the Word of God, not just merely hearers of the Word of God.

We should reduce our complaining, arguing and hurtful words by being convinced of their destructive power, living intentionally with good purpose and keeping ourselves accountable. But if we do go astray, we should correct or apologize as soon as possible.

DISCUSSION SUGGESTIONS

1. In what situations is complaining useful?
2. What are some of the consequences of your complaining?
3. What happened to you or your family when you delayed apologizing?
4. How are you living intentionally?
5. What are the alternatives to complaining?
6. How are you keeping yourself accountable?