Pastor Jonathan Smith
July 29, 2007 - W0730

There was a very rich Texan who threw a big party for his daughter and so he asked all the eligible bachelors he knew to attend.  After the party had been going on for a while, he asked the men to step outside for an announcement.  As he lined them up alongside his Olympic size pool, they were shocked to see that it was filled with poisonous water snakes and alligators. Whoever would jump in and swim to the other side would have a choice of one million dollars, a thousand acres of choice property, or his daughter’s hand in marriage.  Suddenly, there’s a loud splash as one man swims across to the other end and emerges.  The Texas host asked the young man if he wanted the million dollars in cash.  Out of breath, the man says, “No, sir.”  So, the Texan asked him if he wanted the thousand acres of choice land.  Still out of breath and coughing, the man replies, “No thank you.”  Now the host smiled and said, “So you want to marry my daughter.”  Still catching his breath, the man said, “No, sir.”  So the Texan asks him what does he want.  Still out of breath, he says, “All I want sir, is to find out who pushed me into that pool.”  People can be so mean.  We shouldn’t be that way because relationships are based on how we treat each other.

We all have been unkind or inconsiderate to others, either deliberately or accidentally.  It causes the hurt person to retaliate.  We end up exchanging one hurt for another.  This goes back and forth until it becomes a cycle of hurt that infects marriages and even causes wars.  So we set up walls of protection to shield us from these hurts as we bear the pain of isolation. But that isn’t what God wants us to do.  God’s will for us is to love one another, as the scripture below states: 

 “…for God Himself has taught you to love one another.  Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers throughout Macedonia.  Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more.”(1 Thessalonians 4:9b-10 NLT)

God wants us to truly love each other.  Even after we learn how to truly love one another, He wants us to love them even more.  In other words, don’t just stay where you are but move up even higher in your love for others.  Excel in your love of others.  There can never be enough love because relationships need constant upgrading or they get stale.  Life, after all, is about relationships.  Upgrading relationships involves four areas of life.  The first is to:

1.      UNDERSTAND WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO IMPORTANT.

It is so easy to fall into a routine or rut that eventually takes people for granted.  That’s when relationships begin to die.  We should never let that happen because relationships are precious to God, as Psalm 133 explains:

“Behold how good and pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!  For there the Lord commanded the blessing – life forever.”(Psalm 133:1, 3b NAS)

The words, ‘unity’ and ‘For there’ have an extremely important connection.  Miss the connection and you’ve missed the whole meaning of the psalmist.  The unity that we have together refers to where we are right now.  God’s blessing is, therefore, present in that unity.  God’s blessing lies in those relationships.  That blessing releases miraculous powers into our own lives and the lives of those around us.  It heals hurts and makes all things right.  God can do what we can’t.  He can restore harmony in our families, restore financial stability and bring others back who have gone astray.  God will work miracles where we are right now.

The three top problem areas that keep us from growing are:

1.      Selfishness.  We want to do what we want to do and get frustrated when others can’t see it that way.

2.      Being too busy.  Our time is maxed to the limit that we don’t have the time nor the stamina to attend to our relationships.

3.      Tiredness.  Always being too tired actually tops the list since the reason we are so tired is because we have been selfish and busy doing what we want all the time.

So, what can you do about it?  You must first: 

2.      UPGRADE ME!

Upgrading yourself is an outward focus towards relationships and not a self-centered focus.  It’s about giving your best to God and to your relationships.

“Finally dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you.  You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more.”(1 Thessalonians 4:1 NLT)

Improve the way you live and excel more and more in the love you show to your relationships.  Yes, God loves us the way we are and we can be proud of how we have improved as a Christian.  Yet, God wants us to move upward in our relationships in order to keep them growing.  Our own inner growth determines the growth of our relationships, and if they fail to grow, they will die.  

Look at it this way:  when we are doing great, everyone around seems great too but when we aren’t doing so great, everyone around us isn’t doing great either.  Consider the perpetually tired person.  The tired person has little or nothing to give.  They are always on the borderline of depression.  Tired people have nothing to give, and as a result, they aren’t available to serve God.  They believe that when things slow down, they will have time to spend with the family or time for ministry.  Someday they will get to it.  But, that is an illusion of Satan’s because someday never ever comes and we lose opportunities to create memories with our family or to enjoy serving our Lord, God. 

If this is you, recognize it and then please, correct it.  Make the radical changes needed in your life.  Get enough hours of sleep.  Change your eating habits and exercise regularly.  Discipline yourself.  If you have some health issues, then get help for them. 

I’ve discovered that I am one of these people and so I made changes to my diet and exercise.  God has blessed me with a beautiful wife and three grown children and now, Joshua, our adopted 7-year-old.  Joshua needs me to be a father who is alive with life and not dead tired all the time. 

Upgrading yourself will improve your relationship with others and increase your usefulness to God.  Increase your energy for your spouse, your children, your family and most importantly, for God.  Examine the potential areas where you need to upgrade.  Don’t be like those who are carriers of the ‘negative plague.’  Everything they hear is bad and getting worse all the time.  And, that’s all you hear them talk about.  Change your attitude and eyesight on life.  Or, if there are character flaws like dishonesty, arrogance, or greed, work on those.  Know what needs upgrading, then:  

3.      UPGRADE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!

We need God’s power to upgrade ourselves.  We need His power to do anything and everything.

“Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”(John 15:4-5 NAS)

As a branch, you are in continual need of fellowship with Jesus Christ all the time.  That is what abide means.  If you are in Christ’s presence, then you will bear much fruit, and that includes the fruits of the Spirit which are:  love instead of selfishness, joy instead of gloom, peace instead of anger, patience instead of impatience, kindness instead of unkindness, gentleness instead of harshness, faithfulness instead of unfaithfulness, and self-control instead of out-of-control.  These will help us upgrade our relationships and can only be found in the presence of God.  Become God’s builder of relationships.  Remember this phrase from John 15:4-5 above:  “…apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Imagine Jesus as a vine and that you are a branch of that vine.  The vine is rooted and the branch gets its nourishment and strength from that vine.  We all know and understand how that works but our problem is that we are so self-focused that we get itchy and restless so we break away to do our own thing.  We feel free and even though we know it isn’t right, we think we are special superhero branches that won’t be affected like the others when they break away from the rooted vine.  We believe we can fly and we do for a while so we venture further and further away. 

But even if our motives and endeavors are noble, we can’t survive without our life force – the vine of Christ.  You won’t last because when a branch is severed from the vine, it eventually dries up and becomes as John 15:6a says: 

“If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up.”(John 15:6a NAS)

Once you break away, you no longer abide in Christ and that disconnects you from the source of all life, all power, all strength and all protection.  You begin to die and, although that process takes a while, it isn’t pleasant and can get pretty ugly at times.  Still, this is the place where most of us live all the time.  We begin to settle for this as we scrape along the road of life, like dried-out branches.  We believe we have nothing to give and forget that God can do much more for us as well as through us.  There is a special vine that allows us, as branches, to plug our lives back into that vine anytime we want.  God welcomes us back when we stand on His word, especially scriptures such as 1 John 1:9 and Acts 3:19:

“If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”(1 John 1:9 NLT)

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”(Acts 3:19 NIV)

Continue to abide and remain in His presence through daily devotions, journaling, prayer and worship.  Praise Him throughout the day as you take Him with you wherever you go – to work or at home.  When you are connected, His power will work wonders in upgrading your life.  He will then give you the greatest tool of all, which is to:

4.      UPGRADE MY LOVE!

…as defined by God’s version of love.  We love so many things – our spouses, pizza, puppies, and so on – but you can’t love your spouse the same way you love pizza or puppies.  You see, our version of love can get clouded.  We show how much we love someone by the feelings we have for them. You know the feeling (you can’t stop thinking about them and you lose your appetite just thinking about them, you can’t wait to see them because you feel so much love for them) but that kind of love is only an attraction.  It’s an attraction that makes you feel so good about yourself that you want to do loving things for them.  Believe it or not, that kind of attractive love is all about ‘you.’  Many of us get stuck in that attractive stage of the relationship until it fails to please us anymore.  We remain in that place as long as there is a benefit for us to be there but as soon as there’s a hurt or misunderstanding, we bail out of the relationship.  A lot of us live in that place of broken and damaged relationships that can span across our workplace, homes and churches.  The body of Christ gets torn apart as the fragility of our relationships is just one disagreement away from destruction.  That is not God’s plan for us.  We need God’s love to be active in our life, as John 15:12-13 says:

“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”(John 15:12-13 NAS)

God’s command is for us to love as He does – to lay down our wants and desires for others and to do it ‘gladly’ and not grudgingly; to give more than you want to receive and to love others more than we love ourselves.    There is a paradox principle in the Bible where Jesus says, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

If you die to your wants and needs for your spouse’s sake, you will have more of God’s life in your marriage.  Die to live!  Start in these three ways. 

1.      Focus on upgrading your relationship with Him all the time!  If you practice abiding in Him and being with Him all the time, you will become like Him.  If that happens with friends we hang out with, how much more will that happen with the One who created you to conform to His image? 

2.      Ask God to upgrade your relationship with Him.  You have not because you ask not.  Confess how you love yourself more than others and ask Him to help you change that.  God will answer your honest, heartfelt prayer.

3.      Practice upgrading your relationship with God.  Remember…

·        Love is not a feeling, it is an action word!

Go and serve someone else.  Just do what it takes to practice your upgrades.  I read this statement once and it is so powerful.

The tiniest act of love done is greater than all the good intentions combined.

People all around us are dying for love.  There was story about a man who placed an ad with a date and time for his son, Paco, to meet him.  He said that all is forgiven and that he loved him. On that day, Paco did show up.  So did 800 other Paco’s, all looking for love and forgiveness from their fathers.  God has built the need for love, acceptance and forgiveness into each of us.  He has the power to fix mistakes but you must hear Him and rise to the occasion to do what he says.  God wants us to be the vessels of His love, like love dispensers.  Abundant life will be given to you as you die to your wants and be of service to others.  That kind of love works miracles when you love like Jesus.  Jesus you will know that you are His disciple when you love with His kind of love.  You are never more like Jesus than when you lay down your life for others. 

Understand the importance of relationships.  Work your best to bring unity to them so God will pour out His blessings on them.  Upgrade yourself because these relationships are at stake.  Remain a connected branch because you can’t upgrade relationships without God’s power.  Finally, upgrade your love to be more like God’s love, where you gladly lay down your life for your spouse, your children, and even the world.  Make your motto:  “Die to Live.”

DISCUSSION ITEMS

1.      What is one thing you can do today for someone you have taken for granted?

2.      Is there something you can sacrifice in order to spend more time with those close to you?

3.      Think about what tires you out in life.  Name one way you can replace that with an action to upgrade your relationships.

4.      Share a time when you took your Christian love one step higher and how it made a difference in someone’s life.

5.      List the signs of dying relationships and ways in which you can restore life to them with God’s presence.

6.      What can you die to in your life today?  What will you embrace in place of it?