Pastor Danny Holland
July 9, 2006 - W0628

Pastor Danny Holland is the new College and Young Adult pastor here at New Hope. He and his family are from Virginia and he has a background in law enforcement. He’s also written a book titled Reaching Teens in Their Natural Habitat.  Pastor Danny has traveled to many schools teaching about teenagers and how to raise them. Pastor Danny and his family are glad to be a part of the New Hope ‘ohana and look forward to growing with our church.

Did you know that in America, the average child will listen to 12,000 hours worth of music of their own choosing between the 7^th and 12^th grades?  To put that in perspective, those same children spend only about 11,000 hours in a classroom from the time they start kindergarten until they graduate from high school.  It is crucial that we understand there are many influences in the world that are trying to capture the attention of our young people.  As another example, average school age children will log 19,000 hours of screen time (television, movies, computers).  That’s about 30/hours a week – almost a full-time job.  To make matters even worse, they’ll see nearly1,600 commercial images every day, mostly of messages telling them they’re inadequate:  “You smell bad but if you use our product, everyone will love you.” Or “No one likes acne but if you buy our product, your acne will be history.”

God doesn’t want our children to just strive for adequacy. He wants them to be exceptional. “Finally, brothers, whatever, is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8 ESV).  On the other hand, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” (Jn.  10:10 NLT)

Jesus tells us that He came, not only to give us life but to give it to its fullest. When you speak to the youth today about some of the music and media that they’re into, they usually say, “it doesn’t influence me.”  That’s foolish!  Of course this exposure influences them.  It shows up in their language, their attitude, their world view, and their behavior.  God’s plan for our young people is for them to be useful with fulfilling lives. It may surprise you to know that Satan also has plans for our kids but it’s to steal from them, kill and destroy them. Satan is crafty and works in very sly ways.  He schemes early to destroy our children’s marriages before they’ve even thought about getting engaged. He tries to get our kids to give up on the hope and dream that God planted inside them before they ever really get going. Or better yet, He gets them to use their gifts for material things or to draw attention to themselves. When you consider how Satan works, it’s easy to understand the importance of what our young people are seeing on tv and at the movies, and what they’re listening to on their ipods.

Music is this generation’s “religion”. The music our young people listen to reflect their beliefs, their creed.  When they wear t-shirts with a particular group’s identity on it, they’re advertising their beliefs and seeking out others with similar beliefs.  In addition, movies are teaching our kids about their spirituality. Did you know that Grand Theft Auto – a game banned in other country – is the most popular video game in our nation’s history? This game not only glorifies stealing cars but also features prostitution and violent acts such as hitting women until they bleed. If we think that music, tv, movies, and video games) don’t influence our kids, we need to think again.  

I’ve been to Columbine High School and have talked to the students there. They know it’s serious when they hear about the game “Doom”. Why? Because they’ve seen it played out at their school. It was just a few years ago when a couple of students went on a shooting rampage at Columbine and killed other students and teachers at the school. Something as simple as a video game has more influence on people’s lives than we realize however…

         WE CAN BE THE ONES TO TUTOR OUR CHILDREN AND TEENS

So how can we, as parents, tutor our young people instead of allowing culture to do it? There are three points I’d like to suggest today. First, we need to understand that….   

1.     OUR KIDS ARE EITHER BEING SHAPED BY CULTURE OR THEY ARE CULTURE SHAPERS.

Young people are either pursuing what the culture says is best or what God says is best. The influence of culture on young people can be extremely high but on the other hand, young people can also shape the culture.  We need to teach our kids to not only be smart but to be wise.  Wisdom is the application of knowledge, so not only do our kids need to know the difference between right and wrong but they need to be able to apply it to the real world. The scriptures tell us that wisdom is a great teacher. “Let all who are simple come in here! She says to those who lack judgment. Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding.” (Prov.9:4-6)

However the scriptures also tell us, “The woman folly is loud. She is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way. Let all who are simple come in here! She says to those who lack judgment. Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious! But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave.” (Prov. 9:13-18)

These scriptures tell of two voices calling out to people in a state of confusion (similar to the stae of many of our teenagers are in). Both voices offer good things so which one should we listen to? 

The folly says come, I’ll show you a good time. And though it looks fun, the end result is death. Whereas the other voice, wisdom, says come I’ll feed you and send you back out. Wisdom calls out to our kids and says I will give you a life with meaning. So choosing life over death is a huge difference.

Regardless of (or maybe because of) the many voices calling out to this generation, as parents, we need to help guide our children through the confusion. This brings us to our second point in tutoring our children…

2. WE NEED TO HELP THEM NAVIGATE THEIR CULTURE.

With influences by way of music, television and video games, we need to teach our kids not to be held captive by ideas and suggestions given. We need to teach them, “Don’t let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ” (Col.2:8 NLT). Be it the culture, the in-thing or that everyone else is doing it, we should not allow ourselves to turn away from Christ, which is rebellion. Instead, we need to take our thoughts captive and control what we are thinking.  Taking rebellious thoughts captive is not an easy thing to do but if we ask ourselves the right questions, they will guide us to the right answers. So teach your kids to ask themselves, “Is this telling me something that is contrary to God?” and “Will this kill and destroy me or will this give me life?” Another question we should ask is, “Where will this voice or message take me?”

Guide your child by having them ask themselves questions before making life decisions. By helping your child navigate their culture, you’re not only making them stronger but making them a hard target for the enemy. This brings us to our third and final point…

1.      MAKE YOUR CHILD A HARD TARGET FOR DECEPTION.

When kids are on the internet, it’s difficult to protect them but when we use safeguards, it can help them be safe. This, in turn, makes it hard for them to be targets of people on the internet trying to hurt them. As parents, we want our children to be a hard target for Satan.

Understanding how a kid’s value system develops can help us develop strategies to guide them:

1^st –Between ages 1-7: Values are shaped by imprint and observation. In other words, kids will imitate or mimic what they see adults or others doing around them.  So if we want to positively affect the way our children behave, we need to practice those good behaviors around them.

2^nd – Between ages 8-13: Kids at this age are shaped by heroes. They look to the people they want to be like – whether they’re on television, in movies and in music – to determine what attributes are associate with that person and therefore what attributes or characteristics they will adopt.

3^rd - Between ages 14-20: Teenagers in this age range are shaped by socialization with peers and significant others. Kids know what their parents have been teaching them but during this period, they observe what their friends are doing and try out different values to see which ones they like and want to keep.  At this age, if you look at a child’s friends, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what this child’s future looks like.

4^th - 21 years and above: By the time we’re 21 years old, our values are mostly set.  It would take a significant emotional event to change the values of an individual over the age of 21. This is why 77% of all people who accept Christ do this before turning 21 years old. Certainly there are testimonies of people over 21 years of age who have accepted Jesus into their lives and been changed but it’s more difficult (less common) because their values are usually already set.

Notice the different stages in a young person’s life and how values are influenced during each particular phase of their development.  So how do we help develop the values in our children? Well, relationship is the roadway into a child’s life and the best way to have a relationship with your child is to spend time with your child. Do you know what love is to a kid? It is spending time and being a part of that child’s life. In addition to being the roadway into a child’s life, spending time with your child is also the best way to maintain your relationship with your child.

Jesus has a relationship with the Father. “Jesus replied, ‘I assure you, the Son can do nothing by Himself. He does only what He sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and tells Him everything He is doing, and the Son will do far greater things than healing this man. You will be astonished at what He does.’” (Jn 5:19-20)

The scripture tells us that the Father shows the Son whatever He does which the Son in turn does. This is a powerful message. Our kids will observe what we do and what values we have, and they will follow.

I don’t call you servants anymore, but I call you friend. For everything the Father showed me, I’m showing you. The key here is that we teach kids what we know but we train them by how we live. In other words, we re-produce what we are. For example, if a parent drinks every Friday night after having a bad week at work, guess what happens when his child gets a bad report card. Yes, they’ll have a tendency to also reach for alcohol or some other substance that changes the way they feel.

So how do we teach our kids? A good way is by how we treat those around us, for example, by the way we treat our spouses. They’ll watch and observe us so when they get married, they’ll know how to treat their spouses. So respect and be kind to one another.  Remember, what we live in front of our kids is what we’ll reproduce. “Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools will suffer harm.” (Prov. 13:20 NLT)

Maintain influence on your children; watch what your child gets excited about. This will tell you where their attention and gifts are. Also, help them to protect their focus, knowing that what captures their attention will master them. Remember that whatever you look at the longest, will be the strongest in your life so if you’re spending time with God and on His Word, your relationship with Him will be strong.

To summarize, we need to tutor our children and teens instead of allowing culture and media to do this. And we need to tutor them in such a way that they will be culture shapers and leaders rather than being led and shaped by culture. We can help them navigate their culture while keeping their focus on God’s assignment for their lives. And, as parents, we should protect our kids from the enemy by making them hard targets for the enemy’s deception. Remember that our biggest influence over our children is the way that we live so live well (according to God’s plan for you) and love will abound.

Discussion Topics

1.      Are your children shaped by culture or culture shapers? Give an example.

2.      What things or activities does your child get excited about (e.g., sports, music, etc.)? Knowing this, how can you use this knowledge to be involved with your child?

3.      List practical ways you can help shape your child’s values (e.g., serve in a ministry, be a good spouse, etc.).

4.      List areas of your life you can spend less time on so you can spend more time with your child.

5.      What message impacted you most from service and how will you be a better person because of it?

“Welcome” to Pastor Danny and his family and much “Mahalo” to volunteer writer Doreen Robaino.  Their faithful, dedicated and public services are influencing people for God.