Pastor Wayne Cordeiro
June 18, 2006 - W0625

I recently read some interesting statistics from the Washington Post, Census Bureau, and the Center for Disease Control:

·        55% of all marriages end in divorce.

·        35% of American homes are single parent homes.

·        In the last decade, children born to unmarried women quadrupled from 500,000 to over two million.

·        Single mothers increased from three million to ten million.

·        75% of adolescents in a chemical dependency program in hospitals are from single parent households.

·        75% of teen pregnancies are from single parent households.

·        Over seven million children live with gay or lesbian parents.

·        In the past decade, one state reported a 700 percent increase in same sex households.

·        Every ninety seconds, a teen commits suicide.

The funny thing is that though we have more resources today than ever before, our families seem to be falling apart. We are in desperate times and this Father’s Day the Lord has some important points to help us get our families together.

Fatherhood or (parenthood) is not just a matter having a child it’s cultivating a mentoring relationship that compels the sharing of truth. The Bible says the truth will set you free even though at times it doesn’t feel good. Children as well as others will ask questions about our faith. They’ll question why it has become so difficult to tell right from wrong often with a “whatever goes” kind of attitude. So when children start asking, the Bible says it is a sign for fathers to stand up and take their place. “That this may be a sign among you, that when your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall answer them…” (Josh. 4:6-7) We need to answer questions our children have about faith. Yet where do we begin? Well today, I want to talk about the basic roles of a father. And though I want to emphasize fathers today, God’s word is for all of us whether single or divorced, mothers, or children – we all will in one way or another influence others around us.

So here are some of the basic things for us to remember. It’s really like hitting a golf ball. If we hit it just right we won’t have to worry about it veering off the fairway. How then can we assure that our point of contact keeps us from veering off the fairway of life? Here are two points we should remember. The first point is…

1.     PARENTS SET THE CULTURE OF THE HOME.

Parents set the culture or temperature of the home. Literally, we even set the decibel or volume in our home. We establish a certain culture that will determine if our home is a battle zone or a safe zone, a place of healing or a place of reprimand, a place of condescension or a place of encouragement, or it can even be a place where people just come and go like a transit terminal. How do we do that? We can actually set the culture in our home by the way we live. In fact, we influence our children more by the way we live than what religion we teach.

“Make a tree good, and its fruit will be good. Make a tree bad, and its fruit will be bad”. (Matt. 12:33 NLT) In other words, if you want to know what a person is really like, watch them at home and you’ll discover what they believe. That’s why children will not follow our religion; they’ll follow our faith because that is what we believe. And if children see an inconsistency in what we teach and how we live, they’ll be confused. We need to set boundaries, cultivate, and develop a culture in our home that will glorify God where children are allowed to ask questions and build their faith. “Do not move the ancient boundary which your fathers have set”. (Prov. 22:28) What does it mean for fathers to set boundaries? It means to…

• LOVINGLY ENFORCE GOD’S STANDARDS FOR LIFE AND BLESSINGS.

You see the bar will always drop into mediocrity unless someone holds it up and places it back to where it should be. We need to lovingly enforce God’s standards. Yes, it is relentless and will require maintenance which is not always fun. In fact, the Bible says: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him”. (Prov. 22:15) It’s not endorsing punishment (which is motivated out of anger and focuses on a past event), but rather it is encouraging us to discipline (motivated out of love and focuses on future behavior) or disciple sons and daughters. Sure it’s easy to get exasperated and throw in the towel when things get tough, but we cannot do that. We must persevere in a loving way. Children will inevitably get off track sometimes, but we have to keep on loving them back.

Yet it’s not always easy to hold the bar up. I remember a dear friend getting upset with me because I wouldn’t allow both my friend and his girlfriend to stay together at my house while visiting Hawaii. I offered to house one of them and pay for a hotel room for the other explaining that I just wanted to honor God. He wasn’t happy about it and ended canceling his trip.

The fact is that God’s truth is always the best and we must hold up the bar of truth even though it may be difficult sometimes. The Bible says “The law of the Lord is perfect restoring the soul…” (Ps. 19:7)

Let me say something about husbands and enforcing God’s ways. If you are passive with an “anything goes” kind of attitude, things will tend to dilute or weaken while you cross your fingers hoping for the best. The truth is that God is calling us to be men of loving authority to help our families find their way home to Christ and not miss the entrance to the Kingdom. There will be times we’ll have people kicking and screaming and angry with us. Nevertheless, we must lovingly retain the mantle God has given us. “But if on the day her husband hears of it, he forbids her, then he shall annul her vow which she is under and a rash statement of her lips by which she has bound herself; and the Lord will forgive her”. (Num. 30:8) In other words, if we hear a rash statement in our home whether it’s our children saying something like “I hate you!” or “I’m out of here!” and we let it go, it will begin to fracture the family. If we do not override that, then those words somehow begin to work its way into the personality of our family and begins to dwindle and fracture things spiritually.

For example, I think my wife Anna is a saint and she is an angel in disguise, but for one season in our lives, in a moment of exasperation she blurted out that she wanted out of the family and stormed out the door. I knew I had to intervene and nullify that statement. She was just so tired that in frustration she made a rash statement. So we were able to resolve that issue.

And the danger is when children hear a parent saying something like that because it will inflict their souls. Therefore, fathers don’t lay down your mantle. Can I encourage you to raise the bar in your home so that it will be a place where God’s word will be experienced and where life will take place! And the next basic principle to heed is to…

2.     ESTABLISH A FAITH THAT IS “NATURAL”.

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk to them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way…” (Deut. 6:6-7) Your faith should be as natural as talking about what’s on your heart. Then when our children ask questions and they will, we’ll know how to answer. “And it shall be when your son asks you in time to come, saying, ‘What is this?’ then you shall say to him, ‘With a powerful hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, from the house of slavery’”. (Ex. 13:14) There will be times when our sons and daughters will have questions about faith. Then we can naturally speak about how God led us out of darkness. You see one of the most important things is for us to share our testimony with our children on how God has worked in our life. It has to be in our heart because then it will be transferred to our children and it will either confirm them or negate them. Remember it’s not our religion but how we live because our faith is what we believe.

One of the most important things to remember is that our children will have questions about our faith. And as we make our faith natural, it will give hope to our family. Kids really just want to know one way or the other what we believe. So essentially…

• YOU WILL REPRODUCE WHAT YOU ARE.

That’s right! We will ultimately reproduce what we are. If we are skeptical, we will reproduce that. Our children will follow our ways not by what we teach them, but by how we live. “He cursed as naturally as he dressed himself…his own curses soak into his body like water and into his bones like oil!” (Ps. 109.18) When cursing or speaking poorly of others becomes a part of us that is what our children will imitate. That’s why…

• YOUR GREATEST LEGACY IS YOUR LIFESTYLE.

Good or bad, we will all leave a legacy. And we want to pray that God will help us to have a faith that soaks deep into our bones. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might”. (Deut. 6:5) That’s our greatest legacy. Sure we’ll stumble and say things we shouldn’t say sometimes. We will make mistakes along the way because we are all prone to that. However, I’m finding that our children can weather all our mistakes if they know we truly love God. Paul the Apostle says it this way: “And you should follow my example, just as I follow Christ’s”. (1 Cor. 11:1 NLT)

At a Billy Graham convention in Geneva, Switzerland they asked different evangelists how they won people for Christ. Some shared that they passed out pamphlets, others used media, and still some went house to house. But one lady from the inner Congo said they don’t have those kinds of resources so what they did to reach a tribe is take a family who truly lived their faith and move them into the tribe to live. Within seven years, the whole tribe came to Christ.

We want to be a people who win our families to Christ. Use the mantel God’s given you by setting the culture or temperature in you homes. Lovingly enforce God’s standards by stepping in to nullify anything that will fracture your families. Set the boundaries and parameters even if it is fought against. Keep it holy because God will bless that. Keep the bar raised and establish a faith that is as natural as sharing what’s on your heart. Remember it doesn’t matter what we teach our children, they will learn by how we live our lives. In other words, we reproduce what we are. Therefore, our greatest legacy will be our lifestyle.

Discussion Questions

1.      What is the culture or temperature in your home?

2.      What have you shared with your children when they question you about your faith?

3.      How are you lovingly enforcing God’s standards in your home? Do you tend to be passive or firm in disciplining your children? What are the results?

4.      Have you ever shared your testimony with your children? How has that influenced their lives?

5.      Does your lifestyle match what you teach? How do you feel it is impacting your family?

6.      How can you apply what you learned to your lives this week?