Pastor Wayne Cordeiro
January 15, 2006 - W0603

Ever have a hard time forgiving? We all tend to wrestle with it often crying, losing sleep, and worrying before we finally forgive. Why? Sometimes it’s because we feel if we forgive, it means we are denying an injustice or sin done against us. The truth is that God does not look at sin against the innocent lightly. There will be certain consequences. Be assured that forgiving someone who hurts us doesn’t mean forgetting about what’s happened. Really it means understanding that when we choose to forgive, we make a decision to move forward instead of becoming attached to our wounds and nursing them. God will take care of dealing with sin in His time, His way, and not ours. The Bible reiterates this point three times when it says: “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it...”

In reality though, how many times can we be expected to forgive someone who keeps hurting us? The Bible gives us an answer: “Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No!’ Jesus replied, ‘Seventy times seven!’” (Matt. 19:21-22)  That’s right – not once, twice, or even seven times, but seventy times seven. In essence, we must forgive over and over again. 

Jesus tells this story in the Bible: A man owed about $18 million (in today’s currency) to his lord. But he could not pay so he asked for more time to settle his debt. Instead, his lord graciously forgave the man the entire debt. Later, this same man met someone who owed him approximately $18 (in today’s currency). However, he’d forgotten all about his lord’s mercy and forgiveness with him and threw this man into prison until the debt was repaid. Though the lord had forgiven him, he didn’t truly understand about forgiveness. “And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart” (Matt. 18:34-35). Essentially, the lesson here is that even though a situation that’s happened may cause unjust suffering, we will surely die imprisoned by that very situation that’s caused us pain or harm if we cannot forgive.

How do we forgive? What are some simple steps that can help us do this? Let’s look at how David handled an unfair situation. In the relationship between David and King Saul, David found himself running from Saul often dodging spears he threw at David in an attempt to kill him. Yet instead of retaliating, David simply had to…

1.     LEARN TO AVOID THOSE WHO CAUSE YOU PAIN.

“… Saul, who had a spear in his hand, suddenly hurled it at David, intending to pin him to the wall. But David jumped aside and escaped” (1 Sam. 18:10-11 NLT). In other words, David responded by eluding Saul’s pursuit of him rather than seeking revenge. David left that up to God.

We must learn to do the same because when someone causes us pain or hurt, we need to guard or protect that area of wounded-ness while it is healing or risk re-injury. For example, if someone broke your arm even though you may have forgiven them, you still need protect it and stay away from things that will cause further damage. Basically we must learn to…

·        COOPERATE WITH THE SEASON FOR HEALING.

I’m not saying to be unforgiving. Rather, I’m saying that there is a time to avoid someone who brings pain into our lives because it gives us time to restore ourselves back to being healthy and completely healed. And the Bible clearly confirms this:  “Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (Prov. 22:24-25 NLT). In essence, forgiveness keeps us from becoming just like the person or persons who caused us pain. It allows us necessary time for healing.

Paul speaks about a person he needed to avoid. “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself…” (2 Tim. 4:14-15). We need to be wise in who we hang around with because:“…bad company corrupts good morals”. (1 Cor. 15:33) 

So the first thing we must learn is to avoid those who cause us pain. However, we may still find times when we are easily offended or cannot seem to forgive even if we follow this principle. So during those times,

2.     HONESTLY EVALUATE YOUR OWN HEART AS TO WHY FORGIVENESS MAY BE DIFFICULT.

I’ve found that when I’m becoming embittered, it’s not so much the sin against me that causes these feelings to arise. Instead it is an issue in me that surfaces because the situation really has stirred up something I have a tendency towards. “For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you and make you unacceptable to God” (Mk. 7:21-23). In other words, there are certain things that lodge in our heart and lie dormant for years. Then when a situation which causes pain or hurt surfaces a tendency to be angry, envious, or prideful (whatever it may be), we become angry at the other person for bringing that emotion to the forefront because we’ve never dealt with that issue. But now we must face it. 

So we must be aware that when we continuously find it difficult to forgive, it may be because something is surfacing from within us that we haven’t had the courage to face before. And the Bible encourages us by speaking of the countless instances where people not only survived tragic events, but ultimately overcame those experiences and became ultimately victorious. One example is Jacob’s son, Joseph who was sold into slavery, falsely accused, thrown into prison, and forgotten. Nevertheless, he became the second most powerful man in Egypt during that time. Even Judas Iscariot’s betrayal of Jesus did not hinder God’s plans to give us salvation.

Oftentimes we feel like another person’s offense towards us messes up our lives and the plans God has for us; thus we find it hard to forgive. The fact is that other people’s mistakes will not prevent God’s plans from coming to pass. However, it is essential that we learn to forgive is...

3.     BECAUSE UNFORGIVENESS NOT SIN, IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN STOP GOD’S PLANS FOR YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSES.

How do we deal with sin? The Bible is full of people who have been betrayed but still follow His will despite injustice, suffering, or pain. Though Joseph was imprisoned and forgotten, he remained faithful. David kept running from Saul even though God anointed David king. He remained faithful rather than retaliating against Saul. Eventually, God’s plan prevailed and David was known as one of the greatest kings that ever lived. Remember, there is nothing anyone can do that will hamper God’s purposes unless we refuse to forgive.

So how do we begin to forgive? The Bible says: “If you suffer, however, it must not be for murder, stealing, making trouble, or prying into other people’s affairs. But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God for the privilege of being called by His wonderful name … So if you are suffering according to God’s will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you” (1 Pet. 4:15-16,19). It simply means God will take care of our circumstances when we suffer according to His will. Really it means that we just keep doing what is right, trust God, and know He will never fail us. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Gen. 50:20).  Joseph actually developed the character to become a great leader while in prison and suffering correctly according to God’s will.

The same is true for us. So how do we suffer according to the will of God? Here are two simple principles that will help us. The first is:

·        NEVER LOSE YOUR LOVE FOR GOD.

“Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground before God. He said, ‘I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be stripped of everything I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!’ In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” (Job 1:20-22)

There will always be things in life that cause pain or suffering. It’s inevitable, yet always remember God is for us. It’s a promise we can claim. Job’s example shows us that even as he grieved the tragic circumstances in his life, he never blamed God. And in the end God blessed him with even more than he could have ever imagined. That’s how God will turn the tables on the enemy if we remember to first never lose our love for God and the second is to…

·        STAY TRUE TO WHAT GOD HAS ASKED YOU TO DO.

Parents, stay true to your children no matter what struggles you are going through because God’s given you the assignment to raise them. Dads, leave the stresses of your job at work instead of taking out your frustrations on your family. Stay true to God’s call on your life to be a good father and husband.

Remember if you follow these simple principles of loving God and staying true to His call on your life even through pain and suffering, God will turn your circumstances around for good. And the reason we can say that with confidence is because…“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

So when you are having trouble forgiving others, be mindful to check your heart and its response when someone sins against you. If anger or bitterness surface, it may be because of a tendency in our heart that’s been there all along. Our struggle to forgive sometimes means we must deal with it once and for all. Then when we face similar situations, it won’t cause us to erupt with such resentment or anger.

Another point to remember is to stay away from those who cause you pain especially during a season of healing. Otherwise, we risk re-injury over and over again and that will impede healing. Finally bear in mind that suffering is inevitable, but suffer correctly. Sure, we may loose sleep, cry a lot, and worry, but be sure never to blame God. Instead stay true to His call on your life. You see, when you understand the power of forgiveness, God will give you back a brighter future even more than you could ever imagine.

Study Questions

1.      Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive?

2.      Are you having difficulty forgiving this person? What prevents you from doing so?

3.      How do you respond when someone’s sin against you reveals a deeper issue inside of you? Do you handle it right away or do you tend to ignore it altogether? How has this helped or hindered your Christian walk?

4.      We can claim the promise of Romans 8:28 with confidence. Do you believe God will work out all your circumstances for good? Why or why not?

5.      What one principle will you commit to applying to your life this week?

Please thank Leighton Loo for this week’s summary. He is a man deeply committed to God’s call on His life as demonstrated by his dedication and commitment to serving by using his gift of writing. Mahalo!