We all know that heaven rejoices whenever anyone receives Christ yet have you ever wondered why our relationships with others don't necessarily get better after becoming a Christian? Although we read the Bible, join Bible study groups and attend services, we may still get discouraged, and at times, even depressed. We do all that we're encouraged to do but somehow, in our relationship with others, our emotions get in the way. So what do we do about these emotions? Well, David had this to say...

"I considered my ways and turned my feet to Your testimonies. I hastened and did not delay to keep Your commandments". (Ps. 119:59-60)

If you think this is simpler said than done, you're right! Let me illustrate this with a story. Three years ago, a man came to me for some help. He was having problems in his marriage, but that really wasn't the problem. He mentioned that he read the Bible all the time, attended church each Sunday, and was even involved in a men's group and Bible study, yet he couldn't understand why he was having problems in his marriage. He was easily angered and depressed. He couldn't understand why he was still discouraged when he was doing all of the things he thought a Christian should do (e.g., bible study, etc.). His conclusion was that the Bible didn't work for him.

We, too, can find ourselves in a similar position of discouragement despite our beliefs. Why? Because when we become Christians and receive the gift of salvation, our hearts are converted but our emotions are not. In other words, although we receive salvation, we bring emotional baggage along with us. These emotions are often untrained, renegade and selfish. They look out for our human desires. But in order to experience the freedom that salvation brings, our emotions need to be trained. So the first thing to realize is...

1. THE GIFT OF SALVATION CHANGES YOUR HEART, BUT NOT NECESSARILY YOUR EMOTIONS.

If you were not trained properly while growing up, not only are you at risk of having un-trained emotions, but you may have wrongly trained emotions as well. For example, children often throw tantrums to get their way. And a parent who doesn't want to make a scene may quickly give in to what the child wants. Subconsciously, that child has learned that tantrums get them their way. So years later, even into adulthood, they use moods to manipulate people and get their way. Though tweaked and polished (a silent treatment or threat to leave), this behavior is a tantrum that may be being used in a marriage to punish a spouse or manipulate a situation.

In addition to recognizing this for what it is – a tantrum – it is also important to understand that what use to work for us when we were children, may now actually work against us. At first, others may comply with you, but eventually they will withdraw from you. This will fracture and destroy your relationships with others, even with your family. Inevitably, it'll bring you discouragement, loneliness and maybe even depression.

So how do we "save" our emotions? How can they be changed? Remember, our emotions and flesh don't get saved, but they can (and must) be trained. This will take discipline on our part.

· Your flesh and emotion are not subject to conversion. They are only subject to discipline.

In the scripture above, David tells us that he considered and turned. What this points out is that this is a two-step process: considering and correcting. When David said that he considered his ways, what he was saying is that he compared his ways to God's ways or standards. Then, when David saw that his life was going off course, he corrected himself back to God's standards. Turning his way towards God's took discipline. In the same way for the gentleman who had a problem and concluded the Bible didn't work, I explained that God reveals His "standards" in His Word (the Bible) but there is another part to healing...

2. GOD WILL REVEAL HIS STANDARDS...BUT THERE ARE TWO PARTS TO HEALING.

"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days."

(Prov. 19:20)

The first part to healing is listening to counsel, so where do we go for counseling? Well although counselors, therapist and Pastors are all good people who can help you, they are not the primary source of counsel. So who's the primary source?

"Your testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors" (Ps. 119:24).

At first, your emotions may not delight in God's Word because they are untrained and will want to go in another direction. But as you read the Bible, there will come a time when you will just delight in God's Word. He will be your most powerful and primary source of counseling.

So the first part to healing is to listen to God's counseling, but the second part is to accept discipline and to train your emotions. You'll need to do this in a strong way because your emotion is not subject to salvation or conversion, but to discipline alone – and discipline requires continuous action on your part.

"...discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness" (1Tim. 4:7)? You'll need to make some changes and determine who's boss in your life. Is it the way I feel or what God says? Is it my will or God's will? You'll have to choose because you can't live in both.

Remember, we can hear and read about God's standards but if we live our lives in a way that is incongruent (i.e., by following our feelings), we may find ourselves wondering why the Bible hasn't changed us!

God's Word is not a magical word that you can use to wiffle out dust and then everything changes. Instead, God's Word establishes a standard, then you choose what you're going to do with it.

For example, a symphony conductor will use a device called a tuning fork to play a certain pitch. This pitch becomes the conductor's standard to which all of his musicians will need to tune. The conductor will hit the tuning fork so all the musicians will know what sound they need to match. Each musician then needs to adjust their instrument in order to match that pitch that the conductor expects.

Individually, without matching pitches, a musician can play a certain note and it may sound fine. However, if the whole symphony plays their un-tuned note, it'll sound like drunken geese! But, when the musicians take the time to tune their instruments according to the pitch of a tuning fork, when the symphony plays together, they will be beautifully in key.

Likewise, God's Word sets a standard for us to match. He will not tune down to us, but instead, we must tune ourselves up to His standards. God's Word sets a standard regardless of whether we are unhappy, sad, depressed or discouraged. The Bible tells us, "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things" (Phil. 4:8). This passage is telling us to think about good things regardless of how we're feeling. By doing this, you'll be disciplining your emotions according to God's standards.

When everyone is in tune, there's a beautiful harmonious song but when we're not tuned with God's standard (or Word), we often experience conflicts and wonder why. Sometimes, we even go so far as to blame God and say that His Bible doesn't work. The truth is...the Bible (His standard) does work; it is usually us (and our emotions) that don't!

God's Word, the Bible, is His commands. And as commands, that is what is required of us. They are commands, not options. They are to be followed...and not only when we feel like it. When a commander tells his soldiers to rise and stand, they do not tell him, "I don't feel like it because my legs are sore." They stand. That is the way we need to be with the Lord's commands.

Even if your emotions don't want to get in line, you must control them to think and feel in a way that is consistent with God's standard. If God says to give someone grace, give it even if you don't feel like it. If God says to not be fearful, don't be afraid for He is with you. And if God says to let someone go, let them go because He will comfort and protect you. Once you begin to obey God's commands, in spite of how you feel, you will find that your emotions will start to fall in line...and what it used to despise, it now starts to delight in.

So, the last point is...

3. TUNE YOURSELF TO GOD'S STANDARDS.

Disciplining yourself will not always be easy or fun. For a while, you will have a battle on your hands: "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness" (Heb. 12:11).

Notice that it says discipline yields fruitfulness. Yet, on the other hand: "Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand" (Matt. 7:26). Here, the Bible warns us to heed God's standards otherwise the results are devastating.

Like a concert pianist who practices for years (if we looked back on his life, we'd see that he disciplined himself – his posture, fingering and the playing of scales over and over again), practice and discipline gives birth freedom and excellence. So discipline your thinking and emotions, and...

· Do more than hear. Practice !

We can listen endlessly and we may know what the pitch sounds like but until we tune up our emotions and practice discipline, we will not experience the freedom and blessing in store for you. "You know these things-now do them! That is the path of blessing" (Jn. 13:17 NLT).

"But if you look closely into the perfect law that sets people free, and keep on paying attention to it and do not simply listen and then forget it, but put it into practice-you will be blessed by God in what you do" (Jam. 1:25 TEV).

God has given us His standard. Then, with the free will He's given us, we have the privilege (and responsibility) of tuning-up to His standard. This is what we call faith because it's our choice. You see, if God just wiffles dust on us and we change, it wouldn't require any faith. Instead, God sets the pitch and we must choose to tune-up to Him.

In summary, the gift of salvation changes our hearts but not our emotions. We need to deal with our emotions and feelings because they are not subject to conversion, just discipline. And because God loves us, he revealed His standards to us in the Bible; therefore, His Word is our counsel. And although disciplining our emotions is not a walk in the park, it ultimately brings healing.

So even if we're discouraged, we need to press on for we know that the Lord is with us. And when we tune our emotions to match His standards, we'll have the freedom to play in the beautifully orchestrated symphony of the human race where everything sounds in pitch and not dissonant. When we do, we'll be playing a new song, the song of the Lord!

DISCUSSION IDEAS

1. What do your tantrums look like? How do you get others to give you what you want?

2. Are you ready to discipline your emotions? Describe how you can start doing that.

3. Have you experienced the freedom that discipline brings? Describe it.

4. Describe an area of your life that God is calling you to consider and correct. What emotion is holding you back? What can you do to overcome that?

A great big "Mahalo" to volunteer writer, Doreen Rabaino, who disciplines herself to serve in this ministry despite the challenges that come her way. Thank you Doreen for your faithful and dedicated service!