Pastor Elwin Ahu
August 7, 2005 - W0532

Sometimes bumper stickers are an indication of what the philosophy of the world is. For example one bumper sticker says: Do unto others before they can do unto you. Another says: I don’t get mad I get even. Or: To err is human; to forgive is out of the question. Sadly that’s the kind of attitude which seems to be reflected in the world today. Look at our court system. There are so many law suits that small claims court is forced to limit the number of trials because there are not enough resources to handle them. Temporary restraining orders are coming in at over 50 a week. In fact, a study shows that a new law suit is being filed every 40 seconds or about 1.2 million law suits every day. And it’s a natural response to want to get back at others when we’ve been hurt. However, the Bible says God’s greatest commandments are to love the Lord and love one another. In fact, it further states: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you…By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn. 13:34-35)

Loving others seems simple enough until we come across someone who hurts us or who has done something so unforgivable. That’s when the brakes come on as far as obedience is concerned and we have difficulty following those commandments. Why is it so hard to love others just as the Lord loves us? Loving others is really a matter of respect. You see, respect is like the soil in which the seeds of love will cultivate and begin to grow. James Dobson writes in his book, Love Needs To Be Tough, the breakdown in relationships is about the breakdown of respect. Thus, the way we respond to one another reflects our respect or disrespect for the other person.

How then can we cultivate a mutual respect for others? Let’s take a look at the story of the Prodigal Son. It’s a perfect backdrop of how we should respond just as our Lord does. Here are three key points that will help us develop that kind of love. The first point to remember is…

1.    YOUR VALUE ISN’T DETERMINED BY THE CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT BY GOD.

“A man had two sons. The younger son told this father, ‘I want to share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.” (Lk. 15:11-12 NLT)

How would we respond if our child demanded their inheritance? We’d probably be offended and angry. Often we may have feelings of guilt and wonder where we went wrong? How could our children treat us that way? We begin to feel devalued and disrespected. However, notice how the father handled that situation. He agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.  In other words, the father maintained control over his actions. He didn’t panic and give away the farm or allow his son to take everything just because he demanded something. Instead, he set the boundaries as he divided the estate and didn’t allow his circumstances to determine his sense of worth, because God determines that.

Too many times we tie our value into what people think of us and depreciate our worthiness because people won’t accept or agree with what we say and do. However, we must remember that we are not a commodity whose worth can be traded and sold at the whim of the world or whose value can be determined by the economic principles of supply and demand. We have been bought at a price. Jesus Christ died and gave His very life so that we may live. In fact, He values us so much that He thinks of us all the time. “How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, You are still with me!” (Ps. 139:17-18 NLT)

That’s right! He loves us that much; He can’t stop thinking about us. That’s why it’s important to know that unless and until we can receive and appreciate the love of Christ and know just how valued we are in His eyes, we will always open ourselves up for others to steal our heart, emotions, and security. In fact, we’ll actually just give it away. Why? One reason is we may feel that in order to gain back a sense of self-worth we need to give in other people’s demands. We hold on to the thinking that if we appease them, they will love us. On the other hand, we may switch to survival mode and begin to panic and withhold respect and take revenge against another in order to protect whatever self-worth we have left.

If you are going through that right now and wonder how you wound up in this situation and don’t know what to do, go back to the Lord and fill yourself with His confidence. Remember that you are valued and loved. Then you will be able to walk in the strength of the Lord which takes us to the second point…

2.    BE WILLING TO LOVE ENOUGH TO LET GO.

It’s so hard to let go especially when we see a person headed for destruction. Yet even though it is hard, it is sometimes necessary because if we hang on with a tight grasp we’ll meet with more resistance. On top of that, the danger of not letting go is when the other person falls and gets hurt guess who gets hurt along with them!

So the Lord says, sometimes we have to love them enough to let go. “And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living.” (Lk. 15:13) The father did not manipulate with emotions or stand in the way of his son leaving. He simply let go. The point is that we cannot force someone to love us or stay with us. The same is true in our relationship with God. He doesn’t force us to love Him. He allows us that choice to love and follow Him even though He sets the parameters.

People have asked me the difference between being in ministry versus being a judge. As a judge, I ordered people to comply with certain conditions of their sentence. If they violated those conditions it was because they refused to abide by the boundaries they were forced to follow. On the other hand, when counseling people as a pastor, I will often lay out the steps that will help them and they have a choice to whether or not to follow. Those who follow change their lives. You see, there is much more power when someone has the freedom to make that choice.

When the father allowed the Prodigal Son to choose, he put the proverbial ball in the son’s court. Therefore, he had a choice of whether to stay under the covering of the father or to come out from under that covering to be on his own. Just as the son suffered the consequences of his decision, we can be certain that when we choose to remove ourselves outside the covering of the Father, there will be consequences as well.

“”I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” (1 Cor. 5:5) There was a situation in the church of Corinth where a man was having an affair with his stepmother. Though they could not force him to change his lifestyle, they gave him a choice. Yet even if the man chose to leave the church, the Lord would continue to work in his spirit so that one day he would be saved. So when we let someone go, it means that we’ve released that control into God’s hands and He will continue to work in that person’s life until they are saved.

Now let me insert this footnote: Please do not misunderstand this message. When I say to let go, I am not advocating divorce, separation, or child abandonment. I’m making an assumption that the father of the Prodigal Son was a godly man and followed the ways of the Lord. I’m also not saying to kick your child out of the house of they disobey. However, listen very carefully! Be very cautious about your decision when the ball is in your court because there will be consequences. The Bible says, “God is not mocked, but what a man sows, he will also reap.” (Gal. 6:7)  

So we learned that the father let go of the decisions he felt he needed to make and surrendered his control by allowing the son freedom to choose and essentially let God take care of the situation. Yet, sometimes we just don’t want to let go because of our…

·        GREATEST OBSTACLE: FEAR.

We are so afraid of the outcome that we tend to hold on to whatever control we have. “For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly…But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:6-8) Now if Christ died for us when we were sinners, do you think He stops working for us just because we’re saved? In the same way, He will keep working in our loved ones, friends, and co-workers giving every opportunity to reach the lost. But it has to be His way and His timing. We must trust Him.

“But do not let this one fact escape your notice…that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.” (2 Pet. 3:8-9) In other words, the Lord will wait for us for as long as it takes. Our struggle is waiting along with Him. That’s why we need to pray for that person, commit them to the Lord, and learn to wait patiently. We may say, but what if they hit rock bottom? Think about it. Rock bottom is the point of change for many people. Sometimes, that’s what it takes before they come to their senses. Why? Well, who is the rock? In the book of Psalms it says: Jesus You are the rock of my salvation. When they hit rock bottom, they are in good company because they are in the company of Jesus.

So when faced with whether or not to let go, get strong in the Lord first. Then make a conscious decision to let go and trust God to handle the situation. Remember too that God determines our value. Finally, the last point that will help us to develop the same kind of love the Lord has for us is to…

3.    EXTEND A LOVE THAT IS UNCHANGEABLE AND UNCONDITIONAL.

As the story continues, the son left the house, wasted his inheritance, and ended up in a pig sty. The cultural context: pigs were prohibited in Jewish culture. They couldn’t even get close to pigs. Yet this Jewish boy not only is close to the pigs, he actually ended up in a pig sty eating with the pigs. But while among the pigs, he finally came to his senses and decides to return home.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him, and kissed him… [And] the father said to his slaves… ‘…this son of mine was dead, and has come to life again; he was lost, and has been found.’” (Lk. 15:20, 22, 24 From reading this story we can assume that the father was wealthy. Therefore, we can conclude that he must have worn long beautiful robes as was the custom of that time. Therefore, it would have made it quite hard for the father to run in that outfit. Thus, we can further determine that he must have pulled up his robe in order to run out to greet his son. Another cultural "no-no" was  bearing ones legs. It was considered disgraceful. Nevertheless, the father was unashamed and ran to the son and even embraced and kissed his son. Keep in mind where the son had been – a pig sty! The father did not care what the son looked like, smelled like, or what people said. He was willing to extend an unchangeable and unconditional love to his son.

And we must do the same when someone in our relationship or household wants to come back home. Yet even if they do not return, keep loving them just the same. That’s what forgiveness is all about. It’s the way the Father loves us. People who stray are lost and cannot find their way back home. The only way they’ll find their way back is if someone can stand as a true light and is unchangeable and unconditional in their love.

The Bible says the Lord is our Morning Star and that star never changes. No matter what we do in life or how many times we get lost, we can always find our way home to Him because He never changes. Thus, His instruction to us is to love others the same as He loves us. He wants us to be that unchangeable person in the lives of our “prodigals”. We may be the only person they can rely on. We may be the only light that shines for them to find their way home to the Lord.

Indeed, it’s hard to love people when the situation is so difficult and our self-worth is diminished. But let your value be determined by God, not by your circumstance and build yourself up in the Lord. Be confident in His ways so that you can love people enough to let go. And lastly, be that unchangeable star. That is the credibility of the gospel that allows us to love unconditionally as the Father loves us.

Discussion Questions:

1.      We all struggle with loving others who are difficult to love. Who in your life are you having a hard time loving? Why?

2.      Are you holding on to a person out of desperation to control them into doing what you feel is best for them? Are you willing to love someone enough let go and allow God to take care of them?

3.      Sometimes waiting for God is not easy. What was your experience when you’ve trusted and waited on the Lord? When you have not?

4.      Who in your life do you need to extend and unchangeable and unconditional love?

5.      Are you willing to be that unchangeable light in order that someone will find their way home to the Lord?

6.      What most impacted you about today’s lesson and how will you be different because of it?