Pastor Elwin Ahu
July 24, 2005 - W0530

My family and I just got back from at trip to Disneyland and we had the best time!  In addition to enjoying the 50^th anniversary celebration activities, we spent our time riding the rollercoasters. There’s one rollercoaster in the California Adventure Park called the California Screamin’ that shoots you out over a pond of water (0 to 55 mph in 5 seconds), up a steep incline then down and around a 360 degree loop through Mickey Mouse’s face. When you’re on a ride like that, the way you respond determines your experience on the ride; and on a ride like that, the only way to respond is to SCREAM! Life can be a rollercoaster with twists and turns of unkind words, rejection, abandonment and disappointment. And like with rollercoasters, there’s only one way to respond to the twists and turns of life…forgiveness.

The Bible talks about forgiveness and there’s one particular passage that addresses the essence of what forgiveness is all about: “Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven’” (Matt. 18:21-22). In those days, the Pharisees were teaching people that forgiveness only needed to be extended to someone three times but in this passage, Jesus said that forgiveness should be granted seventy times seven…or in other words….indefinitely.

By forgiving, we bring ourselves into a right relationship with God and in oneness with His heart. When Peter suggested that we forgive people seven times, it’s very likely that he thought he was being generous (given the practice of the day was only three times), but his comment reveals that Peter just didn’t get it. Similarly, sometimes we just don’t get it. Get what?  Get the fact that your rollercoaster ride of life will not get any better until we get into rightness (through forgiveness) with God. It is important to understand that…

UNFORGIVENESS HINDERS US FROM HAVING AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.

Someone once said, “Living with unforgiveness is like driving with your emergency brake on.” Sometimes we wonder why we’re not gaining momentum or getting anywhere in life: unforgiveness.  Unforgiveness keeps us from experiencing God’s best.  On the other hand, practicing forgiveness opens us up to receive God’s grace and all that He has in store for us:

“For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Matt. 6:14-15)

So how do we move forward with forgiveness? Here are some principles to remember about forgiveness.  The first principle is…

1.    FORGIVENESS IS NOT A FEELING OR AN EMOTION; IT’S A RESPONSIBILITY.

Forgiveness is a responsibility that requires our active participation.  It’s a choice we need to make. Don’t wait until your emotions or feelings get in line. Emotions are fleshly; forgiveness is spiritual. In fact, the Bible warns us that not only does unforgiveness hinder us from receiving God’s grace, but that if we don’t deal with it and allow it to dwell within us, it can have devastating affects on us:

“But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides.  They will give you trouble in the land where you live. And then I will do to you what I plan to do to them.” (Num. 33:55-56)

If you allow issues to remain in your life, it will make you bitter and angry.  Then, the very thing you wish upon someone will happen to you. “Unforgiveness is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” This statement highlights the fact that the most devastating effect of unforgiveness is felt by the one who holds onto the hurt and pain of the offense, not the one who committed the offense.  If that’s true, why is it so hard to forgive?  What hinders forgiveness?

As humans, we have some common misperceptions about forgiveness.  Forgiveness does not mean…

…that the wound will heal immediately. Healing will depend on the depth and length of the wound. The longer and deeper the wound, the longer it’ll take to heal.

…that you lose your rights.

…that you’re a wimp.

…that it invalidates your experience. 

Forgiveness is a choice, a responsibility.  It won’t instantaneously heal or correct everything but it’s the first step and is the beginning of healing.  The second principle to remember about forgiveness is…

2.    REFRAIN FROM PROBING INTO YOUR PAST.

Re-living painful events from your past is not helpful. Hurtful words cannot be taken back or returned. Strikes of abuse cannot be undone.  But the Good News is…when Jesus died on the cross for you and me, He paid for all of that!

“For the blood of goats and bulls…sprinkling those who have been defiled, sanctify for the cleansing of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ…offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?” (Heb. 9:13-14)

When the Lord came down from heaven, He was a man without sin yet He offered Himself as a sacrifice for our sins (and the sins against us). His blood covers us and also cleanses us. Sometimes we try to clean ourselves up but we end up contaminating our wounds with wrong motives and hearts. If we keep this up, the wound may become infected and cause us more pain, even death. Instead, we need to allow the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ to cover us. The blood of the spotless lamb, Jesus Christ, was shed to wash away our sins, cleanse us of our iniquities, and cover us with a protection that only He can provide.  Don’t wash away His blood or contaminate His covering with wrong motives and wrong hearts.  Refrain from probing into your past and leave it to Him.

Turning things over to God is easier when we follow this third principle of forgiveness…

3.    SEPARATE FANTASY FROM REALITY.

Disneyland was great!  It’s a fantasyland where people can be crazy and it’s okay. Unforgiveness is sometimes a person’s ticket to Fantasyland. Through unforgiveness, they view the world in a way that they want to view it, rather than the way it really is. For example, the Bible shares a story about a woman who was caught in the act of adultery and who was brought before the Lord by the Pharisees. The Pharisees, with their wrong hearts and motives, brought this woman before Jesus with expectations of fantasy; instead, the Lord snapped them back to reality with a single line:

“But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up and said to them, ‘He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’” (John 8:7)

The Pharisees were looking at her with wrong eyes and motives.  With His words, Jesus made them see the woman as God sees her…with compassion.  And with His words, He also made them look at themselves as God sees us…we’re all sinners. Yet, on the cross of Calvary, He suffered and died for our sins. He even pleaded with God on our behalf, “But Jesus was saying, ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing’” (Luke 23:34).   

In spite of all the Lord has done for us, we still have difficulty with forgiveness. We need to remember this fourth principle about forgiveness…

4.    FORGIVENESS IS NOT FORGETTING; IT’S FORSAKING YOUR DESIRES FOR GOD’S RESULTS.

When someone has wronged us, we are often told to “forgive and forget”. This saying is not helpful. How can we forget a wrong that has been done to us? We cannot forget so we do not forgive…but that’s not what Jesus wants us to do. The Bible teaches us to “forgive and forsake”.  Forgetting suggests that we remove the thought (the wrong that has been committed against us) from our memory – which we cannot do – but forsaking suggests that we choose to walk away from the hurt of that wrong and to leave it with God.  Don’t beat yourself for not doing what you cannot do (forget) but do hold yourself accountable for what you must do (forgive/forsake).

One of the greatest biblical examples of forgiveness is found in the story of Joseph. Joseph, who had been betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, wrongly accused and imprisoned by his boss’s wife, and who had every reason and power to take vengeance…forgave…and the grace of God was poured out on Him. This story reminds us not to hold onto hurt but rather to give it up to the Lord.

Think of it this way…would you rather have your offender face you or God?  Forgiveness moves you out of the way so the matter is between your offender and God.  Which would you prefer?  “…for it is written, Vengeance [is] mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19). Then the fifth and last principle to consider…

5.    YOU CONTROL YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE.

Someone once said, “Unforgiveness is a prolonged suicide of your dreams.” Unforgiveness can sometimes be worse than the offense itself. On the other hand, the Bible tells us to…

“Give and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” (Luke 6:38)

This passage is not talking about money; it is talking about forgiveness. The more forgiveness you give, the more God will pour out his blessings on you because you have a heart after His own.

Life can be so confusing, like a rollercoaster ride with twists and turns.  We sometimes find ourselves lost in a sea of unforgiveness but God wants us to have abundant lives so we must remember that: forgiveness is a responsibility and a choice that we must make; probing into our past opens us up to contamination, instead we should cover ourselves with the blood of Christ; and although we cannot forget wrongs committed against us, we must forgive and forsake as God did for us. You control your quality of life. Release your burdens and unforgiveness to God and start enjoying the ride!

DISCUSSION TOPICS

1.      How do you typically handle wrongs against you?  What’s a better way to handle that?

2.      Think about an incident that was particularly difficult for you to get over.  What made forgiveness difficult?

3.      We have all experienced a time when the most difficult person to forgive was ourself. What makes forgiving ourself different from forgiving others? 

4.      Have you ever had a situation where someone tried to give forgiveness but the forgiveness wasn’t accepted? What was going on in that situation? How did forgiveness help anyway?

5.      Share about a time when you were finally able to forgive. What did forgiveness achieve?