Pastor Mark Olmos
July 17, 2005 - W0529

God wants us to have friends for the journey of life. My first day of high school as a 15-year-old freshman at Radford was scary for several reasons. Growing up, my father was in the Air force and we moved nearly every two years so this was another new school for me. Not only that, I just moved from South Carolina and they dressed differently there so I just looked out of place. Although it was scary at the time, I would receive one of the biggest blessings in my life. No one talked to me at all until sixth period P.E. class. I met a guy named Mike Palompo. He was the first to actually talk to me and welcome me. Little did I know that Mike would become my best friend for life! Now we serve the Lord together -- he is the Pastor of New Hope Mililani and I’m here at New Hope O’ahu. It was through Mike that I recognized the importance of friends for the journey.

Why are friends so important? What can we do in our lives to be friends like that? The Bible explains in Ecclesiastes:

“Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”  (Eccl. 4:9-12)

·        GOD MADE LIFE A TEAM SPORT!

Friends multiply fruitfulness, support each other in hard times, add self-worth and give strength in battle. Relationships parallel His design for life: to love Him and then to love people. Friendships are so important. So what are the…

QUALITIES OF A GREAT FRIEND!

It stands to reason than, that from time to time it is important to reflect on the skill of friendship. The best way to have a great friend is to BE a great friend! Here are five things that can improve your friendships. The first is…

1.    I NEED TO TAKE QUALITY TIME FOR MY RELATIONSHIPS!

The Bible tells us that… “A man of many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24). It’s an issue of proximity because we actually need to make space in our lives to have continuity and build depth with those kind of friendships. One of our biggest barriers to building great friendships is “busy-ness” even with your own family! That’s why we need to recognize that t i m e is life’s playing field and if we want to win, we have to take the field. If we don’t set aside time, we’re not even on the field yet!

How do we do that? Create space in your life. A possible solution is to create relational rituals. These habits or rituals create spaces of time in our lives just for relationships. Examples of these rituals include having a “date-night” with your spouse, bedtime rituals with your children, or making it a point to catch up with friends over a meal regularly. Notice though, that it has to be quality time. And a good way to signify to the other person that you’re “really there” with them is to maintain eye contact.

There was a time when my son was still in high school and I was saying good night, but he just wanted to talk about this video game he was so excited about playing. In my mind, I just wanted him to go to sleep so I could do something else before it was too late so I wasn’t really focused in. And then I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit. Suddenly I looked into his eyes and could truly appreciate his excitement. I had to change my attitude and realize I wouldn’t have him forever.

So the first step is to set aside quality time for relationships. A second skill we should develop in our quest to be better friends is to realize that…

2.    I NEED TO BE WILLING TO OFFER TRUST AND BE TRUSTWORTHY!

Usually you can tell what someone is like by the company that they keep. If someone hangs out with people who get drunk a lot and carouse around late at night, the odds are they do the same. In the same way, Bible says that…“He who loves purity of heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend” (Prov. 22:11). In other words, someone who loves a pure heart, whose motives are clear, and whose speech is gracious speech is trustworthy.

One thing we can do to become more trustworthy friends is to refuse to gossip. Scripture tells us that someone who gossips “…betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (Prov. 20:19). A gossip can be defined as one who focuses on the “negative” without the intention of helping. If someone gossips to you about someone, it also indicates that they would probably gossip about you to others. So focus on the positives.

Another thing we can do to become more trustworthy is to cultivate transparency. It becomes a challenge to admit something first but willingly doing so fosters a relationships’ ability to grow deeper. Transparency allows each person in the relationship to feel like themselves.

So it’s important to spend quality time with friends and family. The second point to remember is to not only offer trust, but be trustworthy. Another quality to build is…

3.    I NEED TO CULTIVATE AN ACTIVE “OTHERS-ORIENTED” LOVE!

Any message on friendship would of course, not be complete without also mentioning the topic of love. However, look at the angle at which Jesus approaches love in friendships, He says:

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13) “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Phil. 2:3-4).

Jesus is saying that the highest form of expressing friendship is sacrifice especially the sacrifice on one’s life for the other. Displaying true love for a friend is an attitude of humility that elevates the value of others over yourself. When you love your friend, you add their life to yours. If they are going through problems, they become yours because you care about them. Then it becomes sacrificial because you take action to help. You will spend time, physical and emotional energy on them. Sure sometimes it may wipe you out but, loving people takes that kind of effort…and it is worth it!

Being a good friend means spending quality time with friends. It also means trusting and being trusted. In additions, it means thinking of others’ needs above your own. But one of the toughest qualities in being a great friend is…

4.    I NEED AN ENDURING LOYALTY FOR FRIENDS IN TOUGH TIMES.

The Bible defines what brotherly love should look like: “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov. 17:17) “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Rom. 12:10). It’s saying that a brother/friend will stand with you through good times and bad. The love of a true friend is constant even when you’re making bad choices.

There are two types of people: those that extend positive momentum and those that extend negative momentum. There are some people, for whatever reason, we just like. If they do something good, you’d probably concede it’s because they are good people. If they do something bad, it doesn’t become a big deal because you extend grace and see it as uncharacteristic: That’s extending positive momentum.

On the other hand, there are those, for whatever reason, we just don’t like. If they do something good, we’re shocked. If they do something bad, we agree that it’s more suited to their character: That’s extending negative momentum.

Sometimes the church (in general) has had a funny reputation of shooting our wounded when they need us to love and accept them the most. Folks, we need to be able to extend love to those who are really going through a hard time. We need to make a commitment as a church to totally change that reputation.

So in developing into a quality friend, can I challenge everyone to extend positive momentum…grace and not condemnation? Again, the love of a true friend chooses to delight in others no matter what! Finally…

5.    I NEED TO BE COMMITTED TO GOD’S BEST IN MY FRIEND’S LIFE.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (Proverbs 27:6) “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” (Eph. 4:15).

In other words, we as Christians need to speak the truth. We have a tendency to dilute the truth and give our friends just 90%. But a good friend will give the last 10% because you love them – faithful are the wounds of a friend. But it’s not only speaking the truth, but doing so gently and in love.

Well, how do you build this spiritual concern for friends? First, be sure your friends are going to heaven. Some of us have good friendships with people who don’t know the Lord yet. That means we must be praying for them, inviting them gently, being a great witness for them, and patient with their journey. Make it your life goal to gently nudge them towards the Savior until they meet Jesus because the greatest thing we can do as a friend is connect them to Jesus. Secondly, we need to be concerned about their faithfulness to the Lord. We are committed to God’s best for them. That means praying and encouraging them in their growth.

In the end, what do you want others to say at your funeral? I would assume that most people don’t want to simply be known as the guy who knew how to turn a profit or was a work-a-holic. Perhaps we’d want people to remember us for being a great friend to our spouses, to our kids and delighted in honoring others. If you know Jesus, He calls you His friend and He is a marvelous example!

CLOSING THOUGHT: I NEED TO MAKE IT A LIFE-LONG GOAL TO BE AN AWESOME, GOD-HONORING FRIEND TO OTHERS.

We need to first, make quality time for relationships. Secondly, we need to be willing to offer trust and be trustworthy. Thirdly, we need to cultivate an active “other’s oriented” love. One of the toughest things to develop is an enduring loyalty to our friends during hard times especially when they’re struggling. Lastly, we need to stay committed to God’s best in our friends’ lives. In the end, it is truly worth it all!

Discussion items:

1) Write down 1-3 friendships that you would consider “big ones” in your life. Then, think about (at least) one thing you can do for them this week or in the coming weeks that would bless them? Then DO THEM!

2) Think of a friend that embodies good friendship qualities. What is it about them that make them a quality friend? Explain.

3) As a Christian, our greatest depth to our non-Christian friends is to lead them to Christ. Ask yourself: How can I be a better spiritual friend? (I.e. drawing their attention to God)

4) Do you have a friend that struggles in their walk with God? Have you offered them negative momentum, assuming that that’s just how they are? Or have you offered them positive momentum and shared with them that they still matter? How might you be a friend that sticks around no matter what?

Our thanks to Liz Texeira for this week’s summary, a woman of character committed to praying and encouraging others on their journey! Great job!