Pastor Mark Olmos
February 15, 2004 - W0407

GODíS DESIGN IN THE BEGINNING

Love can make us crazy canít it! And the reason love can be so complicated between a man and a woman is because relationships are filled with emotions that it can be overwhelming no matter how old we are. So as we look at the whole scope of our experience with love, there are aspects of love that are so powerful that if we donít understand it and bring God into the center of it, it can really hurt us. We may even miss out on what God intended us to have and enjoy. So to help us better understand, God gives us three points to learn about love the way He designed it to be. The first point isÖ

1.  GOD  DESIGNED  ME  TO  LOVE  AND  BE  LOVED.

ìThe Lord God said, ëIt  is not good for the man to be alone.íî (Gen. 2:18)

God Himself identified manís aloneness. Nonetheless, He did not make a mistake when He created man. Rather He shows us His purpose and design for us. God designed us to love and be loved. In other words, God created us for relationships. We were meant to go through life in community with others.

ìTwo are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.î (Ecc. 4:9-12) This verse tells us four things. First, you get more return for your work when you work with others. Secondly, when you fall, it is good to have somebody to pick you up. Third, you can stay warm when you have another human presence near you. And finally, you can stand back to back together in battle. We are meant to go through life in partnership with others. One person put it this way, ìWe were made to love and be loved, to serve and be served, to know and be known, to celebrate and be celebratedî. This is where we experience the fullness of life because God made us to enjoy relationships.  

Q1) What does this say in regards to being a loner? Do you know someone who is a loner? Why do you think he/she is a loner and how can you help?

As we look further into the next chapter of Genesis, we find that man rebels against God and introduces sin into the human race. This breaks manís relationship with God and consequently pollutes manís character. Do you suppose sin would affect our relationship with one another? Well, the next generation is where the very first murder took place with Cain and Abel. Indeed when sin entered it broke relationships.

Thatís why the Bible has several things the Lord wants to work out of our lives. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lipsî. (Col. 3:8) One thing He includes in this list is relationship killers. Sin causes us to not only break relationship with one another, but also with God. In fact, one of the number one causes of broken relationships is anger. But look at what the Bible tells us. Jesus said, the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. ìThe second is, ëLove your neighbor as yourself,í there is no commandment greater than these.î (Mark 12:31) We need to love people.

Q2) Are any of the relationship killers still in your relationship with others?  Group ñ pray over these.

The very reason Jesus Christ came to earth was to deal with the sin in our lives. Although Jesus had a perfect life, He suffered for our sins. He went to the cross in order to take our sins and pay the penalty before our Holy God. By His love for us, we were forgiven. Therefore, by putting our faith in Jesus and inviting Him into our lives, weíre then restored in our relationship with God. He is then able to step into our lives and bring us back to our original design.

WHAT THAT MEANSÖ

We need to make loving others a high goal in life. It should be something we work on and pray about. We need to express love and constantly maintain our relationship with grace, forgiveness, and love. Just doing loving things is not enough because even evil people do loving things. God raised the bar for us to be more like Him and commands us to love our enemies and even pray for those who persecute us. Certainly, it is difficult. Thatís why we must let Jesus help us. Then we become truly loving people from the inside out. And a church is a great place to learn, train, and grow in His love. Thatís why we encourage everyone to become part of the church. Even to hang out after services and meet people. And one of the best places you can build relationships is a Small Group Bible Study.

Q3) Recall the last time someone was mean to you. What was your reaction?

So God designed us to love and be loved. He wanted us to enjoy relationships with one another. Then the second point we learn in Godís design is thatÖ

2.  GOD DESIGNED WOMAN TO COMPLIMENT MAN  PERFECTLY!

ìI will make a helper suitable for him.î (Gen. 2:18)  God did something incredible by creating a woman. When He uses the word helper, it means one that provides what is lacking in man. It is someone who can do what man alone cannot do. When He uses the word suitable, He did not mean a slave for man, but a counterpart.

Group) Discuss a country/culture or in history where women were/are slaves. Are they still slaves? 

Now, the way God let Adam know he was unique was by highlighting a few things before him. ìNow the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.  He brought them to the man to see what he would name them: and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its nameî. (Gen. 2:19) Adam was made in Godís image therefore Adam was different from the animals. ìSo the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the manís ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, ìthis is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ëwomaní for she was taken out of man.î  (Gen. 2:20-23)

WHAT THAT MEANSÖ

This explains the incredible attraction between a man and a woman. God designed it this way.

He designed us to be powerfully attracted to the opposite sex. And itís really a good thing, so we donít have to be afraid as long as we keep it in the context of what it was meant to be in. It also explains why men and women are different. Thatís why God wants us to appreciate those differences instead of allowing it to drive us apart.

Group) If married, share a weakness and a spouse's strength. If single, share a weakness as well as a strength you have.

Remember, God designed us to be perfect team mates, to provide what was lacking in the other. Now, after Adam and Eve sinned, it dramatically affected their relationship. So God pronounced judgment on Adam and Eve and said, ìTo the woman he said, ìI will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with your pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.î (Gen. 3:16)

Okay women, itís Eveís fault about the whole childbearing pains. Donít blame the men. Now the second part of this verse is not talking about physical desire as a good thing. It means that she desires to usurp his authority. In other words, the wife wants to take charge of the family and undo the husbandís leadership. It then goes to say he will rule over you or he will rule harshly over you.

The fact is, if you look over the history of womenís rights all through the world, man has used his strength to harshly rule. Then women fought to have equal rights and basically, it destroyed teamwork. Not only that, do you think it affected sex? Sure it did. Listen, if you take sex out of the context that it was meant to be, it will get perverted and wrong. Remember, it is so powerful that it can hurt deeply. ìThe acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; (Gal. 5:19 Still the Bible says God can forgive any sin if we come with a repentant heart. We can bring whatever life weíve had up to this point and God will forgive us completely and give us a new start. He is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So when we bring God into this area of relationships, we can have healthy and great friendships with the opposite sex which can lead to better relationships down the road.

Again, sex was designed to be a powerful and wonderful gift in the context of marriage. So learn to live by convictions. Set your boundaries and decide to live pure by keeping God in the center of all your relationships. We have to respect the power and attraction of sex. If we donít, it can enslave us and ruin our life and lives of others as well. Sex is so powerful that I guarantee it will win every battle that you fight against it.

I tell young people that if you are alone with someone you like, in the dark, away from people, for any period of time youíll do something that dishonors God. Ant itís not because youíre a bad person. Rather itís because God designed love between a man and woman within the boundaries of marriage to be so powerful and beautiful. So if you remove it from the context it was meant to be in, it will overwhelm you. Even Godly people must set up their boundaries, be accountable, and be careful in that area. Itís that powerful.

So remember that God designed us to love and be loved and designed woman to compliment man perfectly. And finallyÖ

3.  GOD  DESIGNED  MEN AND  WOMEN  TO  EXPERIENCE  A  ONENESS  FOUND  NOWHERE  ELSE!

ìFor this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.î (Gen. 2:24)

In Hebrew, one flesh doesnít just mean a physical union, but a spiritual and emotional union as well. The Bible says because woman was a special order item to handle the aloneness of man so when we get married it is a perfect compliment. This wonderful experience of oneness will not be found in any other place but in marriage.

In oneness, your passion and romance grows each year. You and your spouse will know what the other is thinking. And the closer you become as friends the deeper your love will become. Adore one another and adapt as a team, especially when you start having children. If you donít, one will start to feel abandoned and drift away. Thatís why itís important to get a baby-sitter early on and keep dating one another because parenting lesson #1 ñ keep a strong marriage. Why? Itís because this is the foundation of your home that youíll want to raise kids in.     

WHAT THAT MEANSÖ

When two imperfect people become one, understand that conflict will happen. Itís not just two people who love each other anymore, but two people becoming one in Godís eyes. Itís no longer me and you, but we. Itís our life and our journey. So learn how to fight because you will fight. Choose early on whether your fights will build up your marriage or tear it down. Work towards oneness because itíll build up your marriage.

Q4) For couples - In your last disagreement, did it build up your relationship or tear it down? In what ways can you fight constructively? Singles ñ what topics do you think couples argue about?

When you know each other that well intimately, you trust each other with everything. At the same time, youíll also know the right buttons to push and hurt one another. So be careful because when sin enters a relationship, it will be hurtful. However, if this happens, pray and ask God to be the center of your marriage and bring oneness and freshness once again. Indeed, God can repair marriages.

HOW IT WORKSÖ

A lot of people have the 50-50 plan (you meet me half way and Iíll meet you half way). But often this doesnít work because every individual has a different perspective. However, when a husband and wife gives 100% towards oneness in a marriage, youíll grow and you will become one. ìWives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.î (Col. 3:18-19). What this is saying is for wives to empower and respect the leadership of your husbands. And for husbands to cherish your wives, you are not to deal with her in an overbearing way.

Marriage is like baseball. Husbands, you are the pitchers. Why -- because you get the win or loss. A smart pitcher knows how to really work well with the catcher because pitcher and catcher are one unit working together at the same problem. Every time something comes their way, they assess it together. In the same way, a wife tells her husband what she thinks and theyíll discuss and work on it together. There will be times when your wife will see something you cannot see and you get to work together as a unit to resolve the situation. Have you ever noticed that the first persons to meet in the middle of the baseball field and hug after the game are the pitcher and catcher? Thatís because they both know they put their hearts, minds, and talents together to make it work. A marriage is just like that. And the best part of all is that youíre playing for the same coach, Jesus Christ and ultimately, He makes it all work out. So love Him and serve Him with all your hearts early on. Have Him in the center of your dating years and in your marriage. Although there will be some tough innings in your marriage, when you have Jesus as your coach in marriage, youíll never loose a game! So take your marriage back to the design He intended you to experience.

Whether married or single, the Lord loves us so much and He knows our needs. He designed each of us for relationships and it is why He designed women to compliment men PERFECTLY!! So follow the voice of your coach, Jesus Christ. Sure, love may drive us crazy sometimes because it is so powerful and beautiful in design. Yet remember that He made us in such a way in order that we experience oneness thatís just out of this world. Just keep Christ in the center of your lives!   

Final Q) What is the Lord saying to you about your love for others?  And how will you be a better person because of it?

Mahalo Doreen Rabaino, one of our volunteer writers who definitely has God at the center of her life.