• HEALING YOUR MARRIAGE IS GOD'S BEST OPTION.

ìA wife is bound as long as her husband live; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lordî (1Cor. 7:39). 

Everyone who is married will be faced with the death of a spouse, this is inevitable.   Our lifetime from birth to death is just a smidge on the line of eternity.  Thus weíll live a lot longer in eternity than in this life.  So death is no longer a period.  Rather it is a comma when you have Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.  Be sure you take care and plan for this because weíll all be faced with loved ones in our lives who will die.  And if you do not yet have a relationship thatís solid with Jesus Christ, make sure that you do, because He gives you hope beyond the grave. 

So the first concession for remarriage is the death of a spouse.  The second provision allowing us to re-marry is much more tragic and much tougher.  That is...

 

2.        Abandonment

 ìIf anyone does not provide for his own especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an un-believerî (1Tim. 5:8).

Abandonment is simply someone bailing out on his or her responsibility.   It doesnít matter if heís got the right words, but if a Christian man abandons his family he is worse than an un-believer. 

In addition, the Bible also says, ìAnd a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away...Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peaceî (1Cor. 7:13, 15).  

It means that if a spouse does not believe in the Lord, donít send them away.  Instead, make that person your mission in life and see that they come to know the Lord by serving them and letting your life be adorned with the character qualities of one graced with the presence of Christ.  The Lord will protect and free a victim.   So rest assured a provision has been given.  This is not a command, merely a concession that says youíre free to re-marry but only in the Lord.

ì...who knows whether or not you will bring that husband or wife unto the Lord or sanctify your householdî (1Cor 7:16). 

I had a case where a husband abandoned his wife to be with another woman.  Twelve years later, she was still a single lady.  She was a woman of God and praying for the husband that left her.  Yet she was okay with this.  Her faith was fine and she didnít want to get remarried or divorced. She was aware that her husband abandoned her, but felt God called her to pray for him and continued caring for her children.   She chose to live at the level of her faith.

You see, although God provides us with a concession regarding remarriage, it is not a command.  As in this woman circumstance, we too can choose toÖ

 

ï                     LIVE AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR FAITH

This is absolutely wonderful!  However this is according to the level of your faith.  Some people are not able to handle a broken heart or an abuse.  Those who have gone through a divorce may feel some hurtful feelings to be a part of that kind of family.  But listen!  If youíre a dad though you may be an ex-husband you should not be an ex-father.  You still have a responsibility to those children.  So while divorced, you are never an ex-father or an ex-mother.  If youíre in a blended family give one another permission to be a dad or mom to their children of another family.   Remember that a lot of problems occur due to jealousy or anger.  Make sure you donít play two ends against the middle.  And always be mindful that your priority is God first, spouse second and children third.

So God gives us a few provisions regarding remarriage.  The first is in the event your spouse dies.  The second is if your spouse abandons you.  Yet remember these are just provisions, not commands.  You chose to live at your own level of faith.  Now the final concession God provides for us to remarry is the most common.  That isÖ 

3.        Unfaithfulness

ìAnd I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adulteryî (Matt. 19:9).  The human heart is fragile.  So when someone has a prolonged protracted affair with someone else, it makes the other person devalued and their heart breaks. Thus, God has given a provision for this.

Again is not a command, but a concession.  Godís best option is healing the marriage, not divorce.  Learning to forgive with a true repentance and with both sides want to working at it helps to heal a relationship.  Now again, we are not endorsing adultery or sexual immorality.  However, it does happen, and we have to remember that great men in the past have fallen. King David had an adulterous affair with Bathsheba that resulted in the death of his child.  Consequently he suffered extreme pain because of it.  But through repentance, God brought forgiveness and his next son was Solomon.  So like David, God can still bring healing to your marriage and not necessarily divorce. 

If youíre wondering:  what if someone divorces their spouse and marries another?  Doesnít the Bible say that person committed adultery?  Jesus tells us, ìAnyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adulteryî (Mark 10:11,12).  The nuance is this:  If Iím married yet attracted to another and I divorce my spouse in order to marry another, I have committed adultery and so at this point itís a heart issue.

So if an adulterous affair ends in divorce, does that person live as an adulterer all of their life?  No, not if thereís a true repentance to God admitting their mistake.  Sins are not tolerated or endorsed, but they are forgivable.

Q4) Do you know someone whoís spouse has died, been abandoned or unfaithful? What practical ways can you help?

Group) Pray over those who are in this disposition as well as for their spouses.

Did you know that 80% of the divorces in America is not by reason of death, abandonment or adultery.  It is because of irreconcilable differences.    And, there is no provision for this in the Bible.  Thatís because God is saying to work it out and He will be there to miraculously heal and change your heart. We need to be able to cooperate with the Lord and allow Him to do His job because He is able to change human hearts if both of persons are willing.  Both must repent and come before His throne and follow closely together in order to have a wonderful relationship.  This is what is means to have a relationship with God andÖ

 

                                                           GODíS BEST

Some may say theyíve already divorced and married another person. So theyíre question is should they divorce the second spouse and go back to the first spouse?  No, the Bible says if you are married donít seek to be released.  Just start where you are and do it right.  In fact, the last point and the best thing to do which is Godís best is...                                                

ï                     DO LIFE BY THE BOOK.

This means to do exactly what God says in the Bible starting right now. ìI will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you...î (Ps. 32:8).  So, whether youíre single, married, divorced or even a grandparent, the Bible is the greatest instruction of all. Be devoted to Godís Word which is inspired by the Lord, and donít use it as something to excuse you. 

For many of us, the only time we read Godís book is after we mess up. Imagine being a student and reading the textbook after failing the exam?  If I did this with the Bible, it would be a book of condemnation to me because it would only tell me what I did wrong. 

Hereís a little piece of advice - the Bible is the good news! Itís designed to be read before the test, not after.   Thatís why our daily devotions are so important.  So start reading and developing a discipline in devotions everyday so you can hear what God is saying in His ways. 

One of the main things about commitment is youíll go by what you know, not by how you feel.  Your feelings will change from time to time towards your spouse.  However God never changes.  And this is the love of God and He said He chose to love you and thereís nothing you can do about it.  We can mess up, reject Him, but He is our faithful Father who loves us unconditionally.

So be faithful in your gift of being single or married.  Allow Godís healing in your marriage.  Remember that the Lord provided concessions for mistakes yet allows us to live at the level of our faith.  And even if youíve messed up, just do it right ñ do it by the Book (the Bible) from this moment on.  There is no better way to see Godís work in a coupleís life! ì...Run in such a way that you may winî (1Cor. 9:24).

 Q5) How will you be a better person because of what youíve learned today?

Thank you so much to Doreen Rabaino our faithful and committed volunteer writer. 

And mahalo to all of you for your patience and understanding for the tardiness of this posting.  There was some technical difficulty.  Blessings to you all.