Ed Silvoso
June 10, 2001 - W0123

God has given us and will continue to give us many gifts.  He has given us the gift of life, the gift of family, the gift of employment, and the gift of money.  All these gifts are meant to be shared with others, or other people will receive similar gifts.  There is one gift however, that God will give to you, and you alone.  A gift that is so personal that God will tailor it for you specifically!  This gift is ñ your spouse!  All of the features and characteristics of your spouse were made and formed for you.

DQ 1:  If you are married or engaged, take a moment and describe some of the miraculous qualities within your spouse that God created especially for you.

God loves marriage so much that He opens the Bible with a marriage ñ Adam and Eve.  And additionally, He will close the Bible with another marriage ñ between Jesus Christ and the Church!

During the creation of the world, God would look at His work after each day, and say, ìit is goodî.  However, when He created man, He said, ìIt is not goodÖthat man should be alone.î  God loves marriage so much that He created women for men, and vice-versa, specifically to make them husband and wife. 

For those who are single, realize that unless you have the gift of singleness, where God told you that you will be single for a season, or for life, you need to get married.  The sooner, the better!  Everyone should be married because God has said that no one should be alone.  Recently, it has become popular to accept the notion that God has given us singleness as a gift, and we cry ourselves to sleep at night thanking God for our singleness while secretly wishing that somebody else would get this gift instead of us!

If you have the gift of singleness, Paul says, you will have undivided devotion to the Lord and that is why you are single ñ to serve the Lord with everything in you.  But, if there is a longing in you for companionship, the Lord has someone for you!  So many times, because of hurts and wounds, a stronghold develops that prevents us from seeing the person that God has already prepared for us.  The stronghold of singleness needs to be broken, because for the majority of us, marriage is Godís best!

DQ 2:  As a single (for those without the gift of singleness), in the moments of intense loneliness, what methods do you use to reassure yourself of Godís promise of marriage?  Pray for each single personís stronghold of singleness to be broken in Jesusí name.

If God is all for marriage, and my spouse is Godís gift for me, we might say that we donít even want to think of what Satanís gift would be like ñ because we have so much trouble with Godís gift already!  This is a stronghold.  We need to see that Satan is trying desperately to capture our minds and lead us astray.  A stronghold is a mindset impregnated with hopelessness, that forces you to accept as unchangeable, something that is not the will of God.

You know the will of God is for good marriages, but you are struggling with your marriage, trying everything you know, and eventually you surrender to the struggle.  This stronghold needs to be destroyed.

For all the married couples, pray that any strongholds will be removed from their marriages in Jesusí name.

Why are marriages in trouble?  There are three main reasons:

1.         What God loves, the devil hates.

The devil hates marriage because he cannot have intimacy with anyone.  When he sees intimacy in a couple, he hates it and will do anything to stop it.  Chances are, if you having trouble in your marriage, you are blaming your spouse, or your mother-in-law, or your sister ñ they may each be the puppets, but the puppeteer is the devil.  You must realize that if somebody is destroying your marriage, it is the devil. 

Why is this important?  We do not have authority over human beings, but we do have authority over the devil.  When we understand this, we can begin to raise the standard and say, ìThe devil will not destroy my marriage, it is under the blood of Jesus!î

2.            Marriage is a revealer of problems, rather than a cause of problems.

Marriage does not create problems, but reveals problems that were there before, because marriage is something that God designed to put us in the most intimate of relationships ñ so that intimate things will be revealed.  Not to indict us, but to improve our character as we seek Him in the midst of the storms!

3.         We do not read the manufacturerís manual.

We tend to jump into marriage without listening to what God has to say about it.  The whole Bible is a book about marriage.  It is the marriage of the church and Jesus Christ!  Here is an excerpt:

When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.  (Deuteronomy 24:5)

Most married couples have a hectic first year of marriage taking on new debt or busily starting new careers.  However, God is saying that we need to use the first year as a time to spend with each other.  This is because intimacy is not only physical, but soulish as well.  Intimacy is expressed through the body, but it is the soul that touches the soul, that is when they truly become one.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.  (1 Peter 1:3)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  (Eph. 5:25-27)

These two passages point to two commands, one given to wives, and one to husbands, which are not the same.  Both have the same promise.  If we do what God commands, our spouses will be pointed to God.  When we are not getting along with our spouses, only one of us need to take a first step and adopt Godís respective command in order to reap the benefit of Godís promise.

So why should women honor their husbands?  Men rate honor higher than love.  Men desire respect, not love.  God designed women to affirm the men in their lives.  Women, let the Lord speak to you now.  Your husband may have missed nine out of ten things, but affirm and speak well of him on that one thing that he did well, and as the Bible teaches, he will be changed.

The devil wants you to focus on what he has done wrong, but God is commanding us to do the opposite.  Affirm what he has done right!

DQ 3: Women, what feelings prevent you from seeing the good accomplishments that your husband does?

So how can men love their women as Christ loved the church?  The problem with men is that we are trying to understand our wives so we can fix them and then love them.  But the truth is, you will never be able to understand your wife!  Donít even try!  God designed them that way.  You will understand enough to get you going, but not enough to get to the end.  If we could understand them fully, we would grow bored and not care for them anymore. 

What God wants us to do more than anything else is to love them just the way they are.  Donít try to change them, just understand that they have specific ways in which they enjoy life (i.e. shopping, saving money through sales, worry over clothing).  1 Peter 3 tells us to listen and be understanding of our wives.

DQ 4:  Men, what specific methods can you employ to develop an understanding nature towards your wife?

God has made us, men and women, different ñ not to change each other, but to accept each other!

Men, make a covenant with God that you will cover your wife with your protection, and tell the devil, ìyou cannot touch my wife without going through me!î  The best protection against divorce is to love your wife, even when she is not at her very best.  This will teach your children unconditional love.

Women, the challenge for you is to honor somebody who is not perfect.  Many times husbands will not come to church because the wife who is Christian will reveal her marriage problems to the church in prayer meeting after prayer meeting.  This only mines the field and serves to dishonor your husband.

Finally, regarding unforgiveness: remember that there is no sin that is bigger than the grace of God.  He can transform that sin you committed or someone committed against you into the greatest trophy of grace.

DQ 5:  How will you be changed by the message that you just heard?