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Lean In On Jesus
Jon Burgess“The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean. The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot.” John 13:22-26
This was an awkward moment at the dinner table to say the least. Jesus was calling one of the twelve disciples out in a prophetic declaration. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Everyone began to look around wondering who would betray Jesus. Normally this is where Peter would blurt out something like, "well, who is it?". Yet, they could all see the pain in the Saviors eyes so this had to be handled with some sensitivity. There was only one disciple around the table that night that was close enough to ask Him. Only one who Jesus revealed Judas to. Only one who instead of hanging back, he leaned in to Jesus.
I want to be that disciple. The one who leans in and hears the secrets of the Savior. John 13:1 states very clearly that he loved all of His disciples, including Judas, to the very end. Jesus doesn't have favorites among His children. John found his whole identity as "the one whom Jesus loved". There's something to that. He doesn't describe himself that way way to raise himself above the other disciples, but simply to declare where his identity comes from. He is loved by Jesus. It's out of this secure place that he knows he can lean in to the Savior in a sensitive moment and ask a question without fear of rejection. Could it be that as His disciple I'm not leaning in as much as I could be? There are so many things I don't understand and could really use God's wisdom and clarification on. So, why do I just resign myself to earthly wisdom or figuring it out on my own instead of leaning in and asking Him? Maybe I should already have this down. I've been a Christian for a long time. Maybe I shouldn't still be having questions filled with doubt and insecurity. Yet, Jesus has provided me bold access to His throne room of grace. So, why do I stay outside? Why do I just sit wondering and worrying around the table when Jesus is right there with me? The longer I stay away the easier it is to do so. I justify the distance because I'm still sitting around the table with Jesus, right? Yet, John presents a better way to live with Jesus. Lean in on the Savior. Lean in past the fear, worry, insecurity, sin, failure, confusion, frustration etc. How? How can I do that? Because my identity isn't in what I do or what I've done but in this one immutable fact: I am loved.
Lord, forgive me for letting their be a distance between us. I don't want to simply sit around the table with You. I want to lean in and talk to you. I want to know You more. I want to hear Your voice, Your wisdom, Your insights and direction into what's going on around me. Sure, I can ask other brothers and sisters around me for help, but I'm going to go to You first. Let me walk today as one who is loved. Not one who has to earn it or deserve it, but as one living in the beauty and security of being loved by You!
